Free Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen A. Bogle

often seemed at a loss to explain why the man they were “seeing” decided to end things, as did Jen, a junior at State University.
    Jen : You’ll hook up with them for a week or two weeks consecutively and then something weirdo happens [laughing].
    KB : Like what?
    Jen : Like you’ll see them with [another] girl one night and you are just standing there. I’ve seen that happen to my friends.
    No one ever really . . . sits you down and says: “I don’t think this is working out,” [they don’t handle it] in a mature way.
    [Laughing]

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    Marie, a senior at State University, added, “A lot of girls are fine in relationships and the guys just change, something clicks in the guy where they’re like: ‘I don’t want to be with you anymore.’” The least likely outcome of hooking up is that it leads to becoming a couple. In other words, two college students hook up and then decide after some period of time to be an exclusive couple or boyfriend/girlfriend. These relationships are referred to as “going out” or being “together” or “with” the other person. Exclusivity is one of the defining features of these relationships. Hooking up with someone outside of the relationship is considered “cheating” and will likely lead to a breakup of the relationship. During their freshman year, many college students, both male and female, tried to avoid becoming part of an exclusive relationship. Freshmen, and others recollecting their freshman experience, spoke of wanting to make a lot of friends during their first year and “see what’s out there.” Becoming a part of an exclusive couple was seen as being at odds with these goals. Liz, a freshman at Faith University, said, “I was one of those [people who thought] like: ‘Oh this is college, you know, I’m just going to keep my options open,’ blah, blah, blah.”
    However, as students progress through their college years, some increasingly begin looking for an exclusive relationship, and female students seem considerably more interested than males that hooking up would lead to a relationship or at least something more than a one-time encounter. However, the hookup script does not seem conducive to relationship formation.
    Rebecca, a sophomore from State University, explained how women are often interested in more than just hooking up, sometimes trying to turn a hookup into a relationship. To this end, Rebecca said women fool themselves into believing they have a relationship when this is actually not the case. Rebecca referred to this phenomenon as having “fake boyfriends.” She explains what this means in the excerpt below.
    Rebecca : I think girls . . . go to parties where they think the same guy
    [they have hooked up with before] is going to be. I think they try to hook up with the same person. And guys they might
    [try to hook up with the same person], but I really . . . don’t think so. I think [men’s motto is]: the more [girls], the better.
    KB : The more different girls, the better?

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    Rebecca : Yeah, they like to have their little tally kind of thing
    [laughs]. But, I think most girls want to try to find [or] stick with one guy so they can pretend they’re dating them.
    KB : What do you mean by that, “pretend they’re dating”?
    Rebecca : Well, I do it all the time, I haven’t had a boyfriend yet, but I had two fake boyfriends. [Laughing] Oh, they were great relationships [sarcastic tone]. You can kind of think that you’re together because you think you’re the only one in his life and he seems to care about you, you know? . . . You can kind of just make believe that [you’re together], like whatever he says you can twist it around to make it seem like something else. So like: “Yes, he loves me [sarcastic tone]!” And all of your friends are telling you that he loves you and that you are bound to be married, but you’re never [truly] together. So, it’s kind of that whole fake relationship