Free Irresistible Desire (A Savannah Novel) by Danielle Jamie

coming
out.
     
    “Goodbye Logan” I manage to
spit out at him as I shove him away from the doors, to my surprise
he stays back and watches the doors shut in front of him. I lean
against the wall and slowly slide to the floor, pulling my knees up
to my chest and dropping my purse and shoes drop to the floor with
a thud. Wrapping my arms around my knees I cry the entire ride, my
shoulders shaking vigorously as I sob for what feels like an
eternity. Finally the elevator comes to a stop and the doors slide
open. I slowly climb to my feet, grabbing my shoes and purse from
the floor. I wipe away my tears, smooth my hair and try to regain
my composure.
     
    As I step out into the
hallway I am grateful to see the lustful couple from earlier have
departed. I look around but there is only a bellhop, everyone is
back in the ballroom, drinking, dancing and mingling without a care
in the world. I stand in the entrance of the place Logan and I
first met, where he proposed to me and then betrayed me and now the
place our relationship ended. Forever. Who knew one building could
hold so many good and bad memories at the same time?
     
    When I arrive home I’m
relieved to notice that Brooklyn is still out partying. I don’t
feel like talking to anyone right now, all I want to do is curl up
into a ball and disappear. Today went from being the most amazing
day of my life, to the worst, in a matter of a few hours. How could
I be so completely and utterly stupid, to not know that Logan was
cheating on me? I don’t even want to know how many women there have
been. Now all the odd behavior from tonight is starting to piece
together and make complete sense. All the models from Logan’s
agency giving me death glares, I can pretty much guess that he’s
slept with every single one of them. Thank God we always use
protection, who knows what kind of diseases any of them could have.
I shiver just thinking about the possibilities.
     
    That Cara girl did me a
favor, at least I found out now and not after we were married or,
heaven forbid, started a family. Would he have always been this
way? Deceitful and unable to commit to monogamy. Did he plan on
marrying me and continuing to have numerous affairs with all these
women? Would he have always had the desire to have sexual relations
with other women? I don’t understand if it’s just about sex, I was
more than willing to have sex with him any time he wanted
to.
     
    He is the one who always
seemed distant, only getting together during the week for lunch and
only being together intimately on the weekends. Was it because he
was sleeping with all these other women during the week, that he
had no desire to be intimate with me? Had he kissed them
passionately and made love to them, the way he did with me? My
stomach is starting to knot up again and my lips begin to feel
dirty. I wipe forcefully at them in an illogical attempt to rid
myself of all Logan’s pain. Just thinking of all the women he has
kissed alongside, it’s sickening. I jump up and run to the
bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time. I throw up
violently until my eyes throb, my throat burns and my stomach feels
completely empty.
     
    I quickly undress and toss
my dress across the bathroom before turning on the shower so hot it
was almost scalding. I needed to wash away the filth that I felt
all over my body. The way Logan has made me feel, dirty, used and
betrayed…I don’t know if I can ever get rid of this feeling. I
stand under the water, scrubbing my body profusely until my skin is
raw, then slowly slide to the floor of the bathtub as the water
beats on my head. I could barely tell the difference between tears
and water as they drizzle over my body and wash down the drain. I
remain like this until the water turns cool.
     
    I fall asleep as soon as my
head hits the pillow, but toss and turn all night, unable to get
the images of Logan and that woman out of my head.I can hear her
laughs echoing in my head, tormenting me. I