Free If You Still Want Me by CE Kilgore Page A

words that just came out of them. Charger
stomps the ground next to me, impatiently telling us he aint happy
we've stopped. I can't pay him no mind, even as he nips my leg,
because I'm stuck on the look in Saul's eyes.
    "You don't have'ta move out of Brandon's-"
    "No," he interrupts. "I'm leavin' town. Maybe go
see my mom for a bit, then head west... or south... I don't
know."
    "Your mom ?" I can't fucking believe that just
came outta his mouth, unless... "She finally leave that
bastard?"
    His green eyes darken to nearly black, but he
twists his head to the side away from me. "No. That sumbitch is
still leachin' offa her. Maybe I should go do somethin' 'bout that,
once an' fer all."
    My hand is on arm, asking him to come back from
the demons that just took hold on his spirit. He can't go to that
place. It'll have him drinking again quicker than anything
else.
    Lord have mercy on me, but
I've wanted to drive down to San Antonio myself and put a bullet
through that man's skull - that motherless bastard who done Saul so
wrong; who touched him like none should ever be touching a child. I
have me some choice words for Saul's mom, too, for choosing
that pendejo over her
son.
    "Saul, man, if this is about you and me, I-"
    His shoulders shake in a violent sob. "Vickie
left me. She told me last night that she aint comin' back; that she
can't do it no more. Just like you - she done had enough. I can't
give enough to you, an' I want too much from her. Aint nothin' in
this fucked-up world I can do right by!"
    Christ. What is
Victoria thinking? Saul's been stuck in the middle, pulled one way
then the other, and I've had it. It's time we all stop running
around each other and figure this shit out.
    "C'mon," I start to turn Amber around. "You and
me are going for a drive."
    He sniffles. "Where to?"
    "New Orleans."

Saul
     
    After packing, explaining things to Brandon then
helping him with brunch, Austin and I get a late start on the road.
It's nice and quiet on the highway, at least, with it being New
Year's Day. Supposed to be the day 'a makin' new starts and
resolutions, right? Glancing over at Austin in the driver's seat,
I'm hopin' maybe this year I can make some resolutions I can
keep.
    Both of our trucks are beat-down, old work
mules, so we decided to take a chance and use Vickie's SUV,
crossin' our fingers she don't let them haul our asses to jail if
we get pulled over. Plus, if Austin's idea works out, it'll be all
three 'a us drivin' back. If it don't, then... well, I don't
rightly know.
    I'm just tryin' to stay stable
at this point. My brain hurts, bein' pulled in so many different
directions. It can't sort itself out no more than my heart can. The
look in Austin's eyes tells me he gets it; tells me he's sorry he
was part of it. He can't see that the common denominator in all
this mess 'a trouble is me .
    It's time I grow up and come ta' terms with some
things, I think.
    Vickie's right. I've been
latched onto her like a life-sucking leech since fifth grade. She
found me, took my hand, pulled me outta the shit I was in, and I
never let her go. Brandon and Kyle were good friends, but I told
Vickie everything ; things I didn't
tell them 'till later. She did what she could ta' help me fight
against the monsters under my bed, and I know I've used her for a
security blanket every day since.
    She's safe. Familiar. Comforting.
    I love her so damn much, but I think maybe I'm
startin' ta' understand why she's been pullin' away, and it aint
got nothin' ta' do with Austin. Least, not entirely. I've been
smotherin' her, holdin' on too tightly, because I was afraid
somethin' was gonna come and take her away. I had no idea that
somethin' could be me.
    Austin's got this idea in his
head that if the three of us sit down and talk, we can sort it out.
Hell, I don't even know where Austin and I stand right now, much
less me an' Vickie, or me and the both 'a them put together. I know
what I want , but I'm afraid to hold
onto that idea too tightly,