Free If You Still Want Me by CE Kilgore

solved anything.
I probably would've felt worse for it, and Saul would've still been
in the dark about why I've been acting like a shitty friend.
    I have no idea how it's gonna be between me and
him today or moving forward, but I'll have to face that music and
see if we can still dance as friends. God, I hope so. I can't
believe I almost abandoned all I have; that I almost took
everything for granted because I'm so damn selfish as to be
unsatisfied with the love he does offer me.
    A shower and a shave later, and I feel on the
better side of crap. I eye the fancy new coffee machine as I pass
through the kitchen with a glare. Don't feel like using the old
machine and don't feel like any flavored stuff, either. I think,
since I'm staying, one of the first things I'm gonna do is order
some actual coffee for that k-cup machine.
    Stetson on my head, boots on my feet, and my
denim jacket to take the edge off the cold, I head across the
gravel to the horse barn. I can hear that they're awake and making
more noise than normal this morning. There's no frost on the
ground, and I think they know it. I think they're itching for some
freedom in the pasture. Suites me just fine.
    Looks like I'm not the only one with the same
idea.
    I rub my tired eyes to make sure I'm not seeing
things, but there he is with boots and hat on, too. Saul don't
really wear much 'Western' wear, but when he does - damn, it makes
for a gorgeous picture. Tall and lean as he is, riding jeans follow
every inch, and the light brown cowboy hat up top sets me on
fire.
    Fuck. There I go again - checking out my best
friend.
    Saul's got the brown-spotted Appaloosa, Sugar N'
Spice, saddled up and ready to go. The rest of the horses are
anxious in their pens, jealous of Sugar's forthcoming ride.
Glancing into Charger's stall, I see it's already been mucked.
Looks like they've all be fed and watered, too.
    With a heavy breath, I clear my throat to make
my presence known. "Going for a ride?"
    Saul looks up with uncertainty in his eyes but
nods. "Figure it's a nice enough day for it. Could use the fresh
air."
    I hesitate, thumbs in my pockets, then decide to
get back on the saddle I fell off last night. "Mind some company?
Was going to walk the horses out to the west pasture anyhow."
    "Sure. I'll bridle up Charger and Jinx. Assume
yer ridin' Amber?"
    "Yup," I answer simply, heading for the saddle
racks. I think if I keep the conversation light, we can get through
this first morning. He aint ignoring me, but something in his eyes
has me worried.
    We saddle and bridle the rest, Charger putting
up the most fight because he prefers to be rode not walked. No one
rides him but me or Brandon, but I don't feel like fighting with
him all morning. Stubborn horse is too smart for his own good and
still has a wild streak in him. I've got enough to think about
without having to deal with Charger trying to unbuckle his saddle
so he can make a joke out of his rider.
    Remembering how he did that once to Kyle has me
chuckling as I pet his nose. Saul glances my way, and we share a
subtle smile. That friendly look boosts my confidence as I mount
Amber. Maybe we can't go back, but maybe we can fix it a bit and
start over.
    The ride to the west pasture is quiet but
pleasant. It feels good having Saul so close, even when there's no
words and an uncrossable line between us. When he stops Sugar at
the top of the slope that gives a view of Peters Creek and the
Sentinel tree beyond, I ease Amber up beside him, hopeful he won't
mind me ending the silence.
    Before I open my mouth, he speaks. "I think you
should stay."
    Cold fog signals my exhale. "I've decided to
stay. Last night, I... I said what I needed to say, but then I ran
from it like a scared fool. I've also decided I don't want to lose
my best friend over it."
    "Austin," he starts, pauses to bite his bottom
lip as I try not to stare at it, then continues. "I've decided to
go."
    It takes my brain a moment to switch gears from
his moist lips to the