Free If You Still Want Me by CE Kilgore Page B

too.
    Maybe I ought ta' just let it all go - these
ideas in my head and my security attachments. Maybe then, when all
I've got are some empty hands, I can take a tally and see what's
left 'a me. It scares me - the idea 'a what might be left 'a this
stupid country boy underneath the leather, the club, Vickie and
everything else I've been hiding behind all these years. It scares
me, and yet the idea kinda makes me smile.
    A hand touches my arm, and I look up to see
Austin smilin' over at me. I must have a crazy look on my face -
like I could lose it at any moment. Blinking at the dashboard
clock, I realize we aint said a word in nearly five hours 'a
drivin'.
    "I need to stop for gas soon," he nods towards
the gauge. "I was thinking we could stop in Baton Rouge for the
night. New Orleans is only a couple hours more, but I don't want to
show up at her dad's place too late."
    "Sure we shouldn't call and tell her we're
comin'?"
    "I don't want to give her time to over-think it,
you know? We need to sort this out. If she still wants to stay with
her dad afterwords, then we'll figure it out from there.
Together."
    I inhale sharply at that. I
thought I'd lost my girl and my
best friend last night, but here he is, driving my ass to New
Orleans. "Thanks, amigo."
    Fuck. That sounds so damn casual compared to
what I'm feelin' inside. I wish I knew how to express it to him -
how much it all really means; how much I really do love him.
    I love Austin. There aint no doubt in my mind
about that. He's right, though; I don't love him like I love
Victoria. I don't love no one like that but her, and I never
will.
    More I think on it, though, more I realize it
aint all that different with Austin. I love him in a way that's
different than the way I love my other friends, and I don't think
I'll ever have these same feeling for anyone else. I wish it could
be enough for him, 'cause I think me an' him really could have
ourselves somethin' incredible.
    Just outside of Baton Rouge, we stop for the
night at a Super Eight. I know they got clean rooms, and they aint
gonna kill our lack-luster bank accounts, either. Austin and I walk
up to the counter, suitcases in hand, and a cute-as-a-button older
lady is smilin' back with a subtle blush that tells me certain
things about the thoughts goin' through her head.
    Austin tips his Stetson at her, raisin' her red
blush up a shade. "Evenin', ma'am. Do you have a room with two
singles?"
    Her eyes dart between him and
me. "We do ... but, a single room
with a king-size is actually thirty dollars cheaper."
    I can't help but grin at her
subtle ' it's okay if yer gay ' wink
she gives me. I nod and lightly elbow Austin to the side. "We'll
take it," I say as I pull out my wallet. "I gotta put up with his
snorin' anyway, so maybe I can get some payback with my cold
feet."
    She giggles at that and takes my card.
"Sixty-four dollars and twenty-three cents, then."
    Austin starts to argue, but I wave him off. "You
paid fer gas, amigo, so I can get the room."
    He grumbles with an
' I don't snore' comment that has me
and the nice lady laughin' as I take the room keys before shoving
him towards the hall she's pointing too. "Any good pizza places
round here?" I call over my shoulder.
    "Papa Johns delivers free," she smiles with a
wave. "There's a menu next to the phone in your room, sweetie."
    "Thank you, ma'am," I wink.
    "Brat," Austin points out the obvious as he
swipes a key-card from my hand. "You know what she was
thinking."
    "'Course I do, amigo. That's what makes it fun."
I lean on the wall as he fights with the key-reader on our door.
He's also fighting against a smile, so I poke the dimple in his
cheek. "Just think 'a the dreams she's gonna be havin' tonight. Two
hot cowboys an-"
    "Saul," he sighs, forehead tapping the door. I
can see the battle inside his head through the ticks of his
jaw.
    Fuck it. Five, silent hours have given me a long
time to come to terms with myself and what I want from him. He's my
friend, I love