Free Ruin by C.J. Scott

didn't want to break the kiss, but I did. He lowered his hands, setting me free. His face was shrouded by shadows; his hair fell across his eyes. I couldn't see how the kiss had affected him, but I could feel vibrations of desire coming off him in waves. His need was palpable.
    I set my glass down on the little wrought iron table and turned back to Ben. I sidled closer and went to put my arms around his neck.
    He pulled away and backed into the wall of the house. His chest rose and fell with his hard breaths. He swore softly.
    A fist closed over my heart and squeezed until it bled. "Why?" My voice shook and the word came out as a whisper, but it was all I could manage.
    "I..." His own voice sounded distant and thin. "We can't. I can't. Not with you."
    "Why?" I asked again, softly. I was afraid that if I spoke louder, I might shatter. "Give me a good reason, Ben, and I won't bother you again."
    He crossed his arms over his chest. "You and me...we're wrong together. I'm so sorry."
    "I said a good reason." My brain was beginning to work again, but my body still felt numb from the rejection.
    "You, this place, everybody...it's all too...perfect."
    "What?" It didn't make sense. He was pushing me away because he thought I was perfect.
    "For starters, I'm so not perfect."
    "You are to me."
    My breath left me in a whoosh . I blinked at him, tried to work out if he was joking. But he didn't laugh. His eyes twinkled like stars, and then he looked down at his feet. In the instant our gazes had connected, I could tell that he seemed surprised that he'd said it too.
    "You don't know me well enough," was all I could manage.
    "Yeah," he said. "What's with that?" It wasn't an answer, but I didn't think I was going to get a better one out of him. "Look, Kate. I may not know everything about you, but I can see that you're a good person. You offered me this opportunity without judging me first. Most people would have just let me pass on through. You're funny and kind, not just to me but to Jane and even Mrs. Merriweather."
    "So?"
    "So...you have this stupid, blind belief that I'm more than I am. I'm not, and I'm not right for you. Not even for a night. Especially for a night. Besides, there are people worrying about you and expecting me to treat you like a gentleman would treat a lady."
    "Are you talking about my parents?"
    "And Jane. I'm sure the waitress in the diner is worried too, and maybe dozens more townsfolk."
    "You're rejecting me because of Winter ?"
    He pushed off from the wall. I could just make out the flash of anger in his eyes, the grim set of his mouth as he came toward me. "I'm trying to be the good guy here. I gave my word that I wouldn't hurt you, and I'm trying to keep it. Don't make this any harder than it already is."
    "Having sex with me doesn't mean you're going to hurt me, Ben."
    "Maybe not, but I don't want to destroy the trust everyone has put in me."
    I threw up my hands. "It shouldn't be about anyone else! It should be about you and me."
    "I can't, Kate. I've come too far to break that kind of promise now, even to virtual strangers."
    "What the hell does that mean?"
    He shook his head and looked away.
    "Okay, Mystery Man, I get it. You can have secrets. Fine. I have no right to ask what they are. We're just two adults attracted to each other, nothing more, so I don't see why we can't act on it. We have one night, Ben. One night to have a little fun together." I poked my finger into his chest. "And another thing. I'm not perfect. Not by a long shot. If my parents knew what I got up to at college, they'd be horrified. I've slept with more guys in the last three years than I care to talk about. I've smoked God knows what, I've skipped class, and last month I woke up in the gutter without any underwear. See? I'm not fucking perfect!"
    My tirade was followed by complete silence. Even the birds must have gone to sleep. Then Ben laughed. His chuckle started low in his chest and became a full rumble bubbling out of