and I didnt want to stop her. I needed to feel close to someone right then, feel them hold me, feel their heart against mine. For just a few moments, I needed to forget about the aches, forget about the future, forget about the past. If this was going to be my last moment of freedom, I knew I needed to let it all out of me. As I entered her, I saw stars exploding all around me, and they were bright, and they were loud.
But there was still something nagging at back of my mind. Something about him .
A
COUPLE of hours later, Anna lay asleep beside me, curled up into a ball at my shoulder. I couldnt sleep. The weight of the world had fallen back against my shoulders, and I wasnt able to push it away to let sleep come. I grew restless and, moving so as not to wake up my girlfriend, I pushed myself out of the bed and closed the door behind me.
The house was dark, and I bumped my way into the living room. I didnt see anyone there except for Ty, who was illuminated by the moonlight pouring in softly from the window. I thought that Otter and Creed had gone home, and I couldnt help but feel slightly disappointed. I told myself it was because I was hoping that they were as awake as I was. I hoped that at least Otter was still—
I heard a chuckle from off to my left. I looked over and saw him sitting on the ground, his back to the wall. “Feel any better?” he asked me.
I shrugged and went over and sat on the floor next to Ty. I pushed away a lock of hair that had fallen onto his face. I knew, like I had just had, that this was going to be his last bit of innocence. When he woke up, there would be questions, questions I still didnt know the answer to. I hadnt heard Otter move, but the next time he spoke, it came from right beside me.
“Hes a good kid,” he said. “Youll do right by him. Ive known you since you were almost his age, and you turned out okay, and you didnt have anyone like he does.”
“I had Creed and your parents. I had Anna.” I paused, considering. “I had you.”
I heard him laugh again. “Yeah, I guess you did. And you turned out okay despite even that.”
“Wheres Creed?”
“He went to sleep in the guest room. Apparently he cant sleep on the floor even for one damn night.”
“Why arent you sleeping?”
I felt him shrug as he was now sitting down next to me. “I told you I would watch him. I meant it.”
I bumped my shoulder into him. “Thanks.”
He bumped me back. “Youre welcome.”
We sat there for a while, listening to Tys breathing, not saying anything. I finally felt myself growing tired, and Otter saw my head nod and told me to go back to bed. He would stay out there tonight. I shook my head.
“I shouldnt,” I said. “I need to be here when Ty wakes up. If this is going to happen tomorrow like I think it is, then he needs to see me right away.”
“Okay, Bear. Do you know where Anna keeps any pillows or extra blankets?”
“In the hall closet.”
I heard him get up and walk away. I looked back at Ty, and my heart sank yet again. In a few hours, he would be awake. In a few hours, I was going to have to explain to my little brother what if felt like to have to grow up way before he was supposed to. I tried rehearsing what I was going to say, trying to imagine if he would even understand. But in the end, I was no further than where I started.
Otter came back, his arms full of bedding. He made me get up and spread the blanket next to the couch. He threw down the pillows, and I collapsed onto the ground, feeling my body shutting down. I laid on my back staring up at the ceiling, still able to see the Kids fingers as his hand dangled off the side of the couch. Otter stood where he had before, seeming unsure what to do.
“Are you gonna lay down or stand watch all night?” I asked, suddenly amused.
He appeared to hesitate for a moment, then lay next to me, a few feet away from me. We lay silent.
Then, “Otter?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“You know, for what you said. For