Free The More You Ignore Me by Jo Brand Page B

not be bothered to
battle the ignorance and hyper-interest that surrounded Gina and her illness.
    ‘All
right,’ she said warily.
    ‘Do you
have to lock her up at night?’
    It was
an innocent question asked with no hint of a sadistic undertow, but it still
made Alice really sad to hear it because it was the sort of question one would
ask about an animal.
    A tear
rolled down her face.
    ‘Oh,
I’m sorry,’ said Mark. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’
    ‘I
know,’ said Alice, ‘but she’s not a fucking chimpanzee, you know.’
    Mark
looked in pain and it didn’t take long before Alice realised he was using every
muscle in his face to try and stop himself laughing.
    This
didn’t make her angry, it made her laugh as well and before long the two of
them were helpless on the settee, with tears cascading down their cheeks.
    She had
known Mark for years, from when he was an awkward five-year-old in ridiculously
large jumpers to this gangly teenager with limbs that seemed as if they came
from a rubber bendy man toy, and Alice finally realised that she had been
holding back the personal areas of her life for far too long.
    Her
experiences with her mother flew out of her like one huge, cleansing vomit and
Mark sat listening, occasionally laughing, like during the story of her mum on
the roof, but not teasing or judging, both of which she’d feared.
    ‘Thanks,
Mark,’ said Alice about an hour later and she raised her cup towards his to
chink it. ‘You’re a good friend.’
    Mark
took the cup out of her hand and put it on the floor. He grasped her shoulders,
his face looming towards her, and clamped his mouth on to hers.
    It was
quite unlike anything Alice had ever experienced and tempted as she was to pull
away like a capricious heroine in a black and white film, she stuck with it to
see where it would go and what would happen.
    Normally
I wouldn’t like this probing tongue thing, she thought to herself, but it’s all
right, it’s nice even, and she responded, so that their two tongues wriggled
around, encased by their mouths in a wet drunken dance. Mark pressed closer to
her so that his entire weight seemed to be on top of her. He took her hand and
guided it towards his trousers, and almost without thinking Alice started to
undo his zip. She’d never seen a penis before and was surprised at how big,
benign and funny it looked. She’d have been quite happy just to sit and stare
at it for a while, but Mark pushed her back and with the instinctive skill
necessary at these moments managed to remove all the clothes on her bottom half
in one move. As he slid on top of her, Alice realised she was going to lose her
virginity and an unwanted image of Morrissey came into her head.
    ‘What
are you doing here?’ she said, not realising it was out loud.
    Mark
hesitated.
    Oh
Christ, he found himself thinking uncharitably. Is she nuts like her mum?
    But
Alice said no more and lay still, waiting for Mark to happen to her.
    It
didn’t hurt, it was like being in a deep, hot well, out of which she looked up
to see his face, an expression on it she had never seen before and wasn’t sure
she liked. She closed her eyes and images whirled in her head — Mark’s parents
arriving home and finding them, people gossiping in the village shop, Wobbly
and Bighead grinning, Morrissey on a cross, her dad crying, a bull mounting a
cow, trees being thrashed by the wind, her mother shouting and running naked
through the garden, Marie Henty smiling shyly… and then with one great heave
Mark seemed to collapse into himself and lay panting on her chest.
    And
then it was quiet. A voice on the television said, ‘And now for the weather,’
and they looked at each other and moved slowly apart until they were both
sitting up on the huge settee. They shifted along to create what seemed like a
mile-wide gap between them and looked down at the same time to behold an
enormous patch of wetness between them on the sofa.
    ‘Oh
shit,’ said Mark and