E.J. If you want an open service, then as executrix that is your prerogative. I would just like to go on the record as opposing the idea.’
‘So noted,’ I said.
GRAHAM, THE PRESENT
I come home from taking Lotta to work and found some long-haired skater dude grubbin’ my sister! I almost slammed his head into the wall, except I knew Mom would hear it and come out and then there’d be hell to pay. So I said, ‘Hey!’ real loud.
The dude jerked up from where he’d been lip-suckin’ my sister and jumped to his feet. ‘Whoa man!’ he said. ‘Nothin’ happenin’ here!’
‘Megan! Go to your room!’ I said.
‘Yeah, and who made you King of the world, asshole?’ she said.
Such language! I thought. ‘You!’ I said, pointing at skater-dude. ‘Outta here!’
‘See ya, Megs,’ he said, and rode his board off into the sunset.
Megan whirled on me. ‘Mom knew we were out here! If she didn’t mind, then who are you to butt in?’
‘Some day you’ll thank me,’ I said, opening the front door. ‘That dude’s a real loser.’
‘Well it takes one to know one!’ my witty (and I’m being sarcastic here) sister said.
Inside I found Mom in the kitchen starting dinner. ‘You know what your daughter was doing?’ I demanded.
‘Which one?’ Mom asked, not paying nearly enough attention to what I was about to tell her.
‘Megan—’
‘On the front porch with the skateboard boy. Touching. I don’t want to know.’
‘Yeah touching! He was all over her—’
‘Graham, did you not hear what I said? I don’t want to know!’ she said.
I sighed and finally had to ask it. ‘Mom, have you had the talk with the girls?’
That got her attention. She put down the knife and whatever vegetable she was abusing, and looked at me. ‘What talk would that be, Graham?’ she said.
Ah, man, that woman loves to put me on the spot. ‘You know what talk, Mom.’
‘Have you had a talk with them, Graham?’ she said, emphasizing my name for some reason.
‘It’s not my place to have the talk with them,’ I said, enunciating clearly, afraid that she was going through early on-set Alzheimer’s. They did a segment about that on TV once.
Mom sighed. ‘Yes, I had the talk with them. Two years ago. Are you having sex?’
‘Mother!’
She shrugged her shoulders. ‘Just thought I’d throw that out while your mind was on something else. See if you’d actually answer.’
‘I answered you the last time you asked! No, I’m not having sex!’ Although, and I kept this part to myself, I think about it 24/7 and I’m practicing like crazy.
Then it dawned on me. Megan hadn’t come in behind me. I was so busy trying to teach my mother how to be a parent that I’d totally forgotten. I whipped around and headed for the front door, slamming it open.
They were back on the swing. The asshole’s board was on the porch. I picked it up and flung it out to the street.
‘Hey!’ skater-dude yelled.
‘Hey, yourself, asshole! I told you to get the hell outta here!’
He got up and headed for the street at a slow pace, trying to show me he wasn’t afraid of me, although I think he shit his pants, just between you and me. ‘Hey, Megs,’ he said over his shoulder, ‘get rid of the babysitter and maybe I’ll see you again!’
At which point my sister jumped up from the swing and, with all her weight, shoved me, knocking me on my ass. It was embarrassing.
ELIZABETH, APRIL 2009
Elizabeth’s cell phone rang as she was leaving fourth period English, heading for her geology class. She didn’t recognize the number. Flipping it open she said, ‘Hello?’
‘Bessie, it’s me, Aldon.’
Elizabeth stopped dead in the hall. The girl behind her bumped into her, said, ‘Retard!’ and kept going. Elizabeth barely noticed her.
‘How did you get this number?’ she asked.
‘That’s not important,’ he said. ‘What’s important is that you’re in danger. I need you to meet me—’
‘This stopped being funny a