hadnât been under much scrutiny or gossip before now. Probably because heâd done such a good job at creating his own hideout on All Seasons Road. A damned good job of appearing polite yet helpful when needed. When had his cover been blown?
Mrs Tam smiled her thanks, then cocked her head to one side. âI donât suppose youâd have a chance to let Lily know, would you? And maybe make arrangements with her about a suitable time for you both.â
âOf course, Mrs Tam. Iâll have a word with her.â
Nick left Mrs Tam and headed back towards Kookaburraâs. He knew Lilyâs kids, and liked them a lot. He knew Lily. Just because he kept his distance it didnât mean he couldnât see her personality traits; the hardworking, magnanimously generous ones, and the cute, shy ones, like her refusing to meet his eye, and the blushes when she did. Of course he liked Lily. Heâd never denied that to himself, but he liked her more than he should. A lot more than he should after this morningâs vision of her in her close-enough-to-naked state. So much for keeping your âapparently undying attractionâ hidden . What had blown his cover? Was his appraisal of Lily obvious to these people? Or were they simply hoping? The townspeople were certainly pushing him and Lily together, which told him he had been accepted and thought of as a decent man for Lily, their daughter.
But was he?
Heâd had flings after leaving the forces but theyâd been more one-nighters than anything meaningful. He hadnât wanted to get involved in another full-on relationship. It was one thing monitoring yourself to check if you were going quietly crazy just because you were out on civvy street and not in some hell-hole working in maritime counter-terrorism that you actually preferred. It was another thing to put a woman who thought you loved her in a situation where you disappointed her and made her heart break if or when you messed up and left her.
He had mates who were divorced, not having been able to hold their marriages â or relationships â together because theyâd left the services and found themselves with no spark, no adventure in their lives. Buddies who didnât see their kids often enough, or who left and didnât want to see them. Ex-wives fighting over everything, some wanting more money, some wanting the ex-Army, the ex-Navy, the ex-Air Force man and all the troublesome psychological shit they couldnât get rid of, out of their lives and that of their childrenâs â or back into it with commitment. Even the amicable break-ups had the power to hurt both parties, let alone what it did to the kids.
Nick couldnât say for sure he wouldnât eventually do the same thing. Leave and look for a spark, something to kickstart the quest for danger he suspected still lurked in his gut.
âIâll be ready in 10 minutes, Nick. Is that okay?â
Nick turned to Andy who was calling out to him from across the street.
âMr Morellyâs going to show me a new bench grinder.â
Nick raised a hand. âTake your time. Iâm waiting for your mum to finish work anyway.â And then he was going to give them both a lift home.
As the kid went into the hardware store, Nick crossed the street and returned to his troubling contemplations.
Here he was, settled in this small, remote town. Helping people out and taking an interest. Wasnât this what heâd been hoping for?
The first year after leaving the Navy had been tougher than heâd expected. Loss of role, loss of identity. These factors hadnât diminished his sense of himself but he hadnât met the challenge of making new friends, not even when the worst part had hit him: all the free time. Heâd had his share of physical and mental issues too. He hadnât had trouble concentrating, but yes, heâd carried tension with him. And heâd experienced moments of