Free All Families Are Psychotic by Douglas Coupland

World .'
    'Cheryl?'
    'Yes, li tt le Cheryl, and she's still young enough to like older men. Meet me outside the monor ail exit at Main Street USA -tomorro w morning , ten on the nose.'
    'Disney World ? You?'
    'Wade, Wade, Wade — nothing bad ever happens in Disney World . It 's the only safe place in this fucked- up state. I've had many a meeting there.'
    They signed off. Wade stepped back into the room as Beth got in from shopping . After a nap they all ate a calm dinner in the hotel dining room, Janet's treat. Afterwards they went for a walk along International Boulevard, a frustrating experience for Wade, as everything, even the most casual trinket, was so expensive. They went back to the room to watch TV, and Wade once again took the phone out onto the balcony, and this time he rallied all of his nerve and all of his guil ty feelings abou t being a vagrant, useless son, and called his father down in Kissimmee.
    'Yeah, hello?'
    'Hey, Dad, it 's me, Wade.'
    Ted's reply gave away nothing: 'Wade.'
    'I didn ' t get much of a chance to talk with you today at Sarah's thing downstairs.' 'Buncha media clowns.'
    'It was busy all righ t.'
    'So you're out of jail,' said Ted. 'Good. You're too old for jail. Something kind of sad abou t a man being jailed after forty, like he's incapable of seeing the big picture.'
    'You're looking good.'
    'Well, it 's not like I deserve to. But Nix tells me I have fortunate bone structure. And I have regular bowel movements, and I have free use of the Y's tanning bed.'
    'So, Dad — I heard through the grapevine that maybe you migh t need some money.' 'What grapevine? My grapevine's my own frigging business.'
    'Just though t you migh t be interested in a scheme I've got to make some quick pocket change.' Ted went silent.
    I notice he's not hanging up.
    'Easy come, easy go,' said Ted. 'The house I can live withou t -the damn thing leaked. Nix can bring home the bacon until I locate a new gig, can' t you, Nix?' Nickie, doub tless, was rolling her eyes in the
    background .
    'Hey, Dad, why don ' t you come with us to Disney World tomorro w? We can have fun. I'll pay.' No turning back now.
    'Disney World ? Are you out of your mind?'
    'Dad, you see, there's this guy — Norm . . .' Wade realized how bad that last sentence fragment sounded:
    There's this guy, Norm . . .
    'And?'
    'He needs some help on a project . . .' 'And?'
    'I was going to help him and I though t maybe you could, you kno w, help, too.' 'Doing what? And how much do I get?'
    He sounds almost ruthless. 'For you? Ten K, and it 'll be nothing more than a quick day trip to somewhere nearby.'
    A pause: 'OK.'
    'What — you don ' t want to kno w the details?'
    'I want the money. I'll leave the details to you.' There was a pause. 'It was very kind of you to think of me, Wade.'
    The tw o men arranged a pickup time the next morning and hung up. Feeling like Santa Claus, Wade went inside the room where he, Beth and Janet fell asleep watching the History Channel. Around three, he
    woke up and couldn ' t get back to sleep. He went out onto the balcony, swaddled in the bored, muggy remains of a Gulf wind. He looked up at the moon, either full or nearly full. If human beings had never happened, that same moon would still have been in that very same position, and nothing about it would be different than it is now. Wade tried to imagine Florid a before the advent of man, but couldn ' t. The landscape seemed too thoroughl y coloni zed -the trailers, factory outlets and cocktail shacks of the world below. He decided that if human beings took over the moon, they'd probably just turn it into Florid a. It was probably for the best it was so far away, unreachable.
    Wade then though t abou t his mother, seemingl y ebbing away before his eyes — and yet she was also somehow younger than ever — she knows about things now, stuff even I didn ' t know about until
    recently: scary sex shit — she's opened up so many doors — and again he felt one of the coun tless