Free Have a New Husband by Friday by Kevin Leman

door—when all we have is a cold. We just need a little babying sometimes.
    Your husband is a little like a bobcat. He’ll walk the same path over and over and over again. He has a route he’s used to, and he’ll follow it.
    Now you women? You can have a sore throat, a cold, the flu, and a 102-degree temp, and still be running the kids to school and then be off to work. Nothing that a little DayQuil can’t cure, is there?
    The key to understanding what your man really needs is easy because he’s so predictable. It’s what he grouses about. “I don’t get any respect around here. . . . No one listens to me.” Do you know what he’s really saying with such complaining comments? “Hey! Don’t I matter around here? Aren’t I good for something?”
    Because you are so good at multitasking and seem to do everything so perfectly, if your guy isn’t helping you around the house, it could be because he thinks you don’t need or want his help. Every husband wants to be trusted.
    Have you ever had someone leaning over your shoulder, trying to read the same newspaper, magazine, or book you’re reading? Does that bother you? It annoys most people. It will annoy your husband too, if he wants to help or agrees to help with a project, when you’re always looking over his shoulder. “Uh, not that way. Try it this way. . . . If you just did X, that would work better.”
    No self-respecting guy wants to be told what to do, like you’re his mama. You’re his wife, his partner, not the commandant of his projects. If you’re the helicopter wife hovering over him, he’s going to throw down whatever he’s helping you with and say, “Well, why don’t you just do it?” and stalk off, because he doesn’t like to be micromanaged. (Think about it: do you?)
    Men will get the job done, but they might not necessarily do it the way you would. But is that wrong, or just different?
    One Saturday morning, when our oldest daughter, Holly, was a baby, I told Sande to go ahead and take the day to do something fun with a girlfriend. “Honey, don’t worry about a thing,” I said, meaning every word of it. So off Sande went for a needed respite.
    Within a few minutes, Holly messed her pants beyond belief. It was a #2 to beat all. In those days it was real cloth diapers. No Pampers. So what did I do? The plan made perfect sense to me. I took her out in the backyard, got the garden hose out, and hosed her off.
    I got away with it for a few days . . . until Holly told her mama about the special bath she’d had in the backyard. But I got the job done, didn’t I?
    Your guy will get the job done, but in man style. And if you look over his shoulder and tell him how to do it differently, he takes that as, You don't trust me to get the job done, do you? I'm not that incompetent! And then your help around the house disappears, because he doesn't want to risk your criticism again.
    Your husband’s a simple guy, but don’t mistake that for simpleminded (although you may wonder at times). The simplicity of a man is that he sees things in lockstep, linear fashion. And he knows when he’s being had, when he’s being suckered, when he’s being taken advantage of. Believe me.
    When men don’t feel respected and trusted, most will shut down. They’ll get quiet and make all kinds of assumptions, such as, You don’t really love me. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t correct me. You wouldn’t hang me out to dry in front of your girlfriends like that. Some men will explode and make fools of themselves. It has so much to do with background.
    A Husband’s Deadly Sins
    Using good towels to clean the car.
    Walking with muddy shoes on your just-cleaned kitchen floor.
    Making a mess.
    Making a mess, then not picking up after himself.
    Leaving newspapers lying around.
    Bringing someone home for dinner without calling first.
    Saying his mother-in-law looks hot in a bathing suit.
    Commenting on your weight.
    Telling you, “I like your hair”—when