Free Have a New Husband by Friday by Kevin Leman Page B

least mess? When Allen bought toothpaste, he thought, What toothpaste will make the kids the happiest?
    It was a simple misunderstanding—the kind that happens in every marriage. It’s part of the great gap that exists between what a woman values and what a man values. But if you’re going to understand this creature you’ve married, you’re going to need to give him a little credit. Wendy could have saved herself a lot of aggravation if she would have just told Allen, “On your way home tonight, would you pick up some Crest toothpaste at Walgreens? We’re out, and I can’t get that errand done today. I’d really appreciate it.” What do you think that guy would arrive home with? Crest toothpaste. He has his assignment, it’s specific (so he knows exactly what to get), and she’s telling him he’s needed and appreciated.
    Now, isn’t that a better way to go? Like with Craig and the toilet paper roll, if you wait for your guy to notice you need something, you’ll be waiting a long time. Why not simply ask?
    If you make a little effort, it’ll pay back tenfold. I guarantee it, because I see it happen all the time.
    When you catch him doing something right, reinforce that. Tell him how much you appreciate it. Brag about him in front of your friends. “Do you know what my sweet Roger did? I’ve been working overtime on this big project and got home late, and he’d made us a lasagna. I didn’t even know he knew how to make lasagna. And he’d already cleaned up the kitchen too. I could have cried, I was so happy.” Even better, brag about him in front of your friends when he’s in the room. He’ll be puffing up inside, thinking, I’m the man.
    Ask Dr. Leman
    Q: I have a husband, two teenagers, and a really intense job where I have to travel. Every time I get home from a trip, I walk into the house and it’s a mess. It takes me half a day to clean it up. And no one’s there volunteering to help out, that’s for sure. Mark says, “I’m so glad you’re home!” and retreats behind his newspaper. Can he not see the pizza cartons and crud all over the kitchen counter?
    Exasperated in Omaha
    A: Well, Exasperated in Omaha, I can see why you’re exasperated. No one likes coming home to a mess, and you’re not put on this earth to be a slave dog.
    But have you ever thought about it this way? Does your husband really see that mess? Does it bother him like it bothers you? Most likely not. He doesn’t mean to exasperate you; he just has different priorities. Why not tell Mark, “It’s hard for me to come home and find the house a mess. Do you think you and the kids could clean up next time before I come home?” Chances are that a lightbulb will pop on in your husband’s head, and he’ll think, What a great idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Try it out and see what happens.
    A month later . . .
    Dr. Leman,
    I can’t believe it. I just got home from a trip, and the entire house was sparkling clean—even the kitchen. No pizza boxes in sight. It even looked like someone dusted. Blow me over. No one dusts anymore. It had to be Mark, because the kids are away on a school trip and aren’t returning until tonight. Wow. Your advice really works!
    Dear E-i-O,
    Glad you think so. Let me give you some more. Now that you have Marky boy right where you want him, reinforce that behavior. He really does want to please you. So when he gets home tonight, why not give him a pleasant surprise? Tell him, “You know, I really appreciated you cleaning up the house. It looks awesome.” Then take him back to the bedroom, bolt the door in case the kids get home early, and have a wonderful sexual interlude with him. That’s the way to slip a commercial to him that says, “I love it when you do things like this for me. It makes me feel like making love to you. I’m so glad I married a man like you.” That boy will be eating out of your hand, and you’ll have the cleanest house around!
    It’s All about