Free Futures and Frosting by Tara Sivec Page B

Dick
weed.
     
    By the time I
got to the bottom of the thread, Carter has stepped away from me and is
practically convulsing with laughter.
    Carter’s parents
choose that moment to walk Gavin back over to us, and  I am praying to God,
Allah, Buddha, and Ryan Seacrest that she had not logged into her Facebook
account yet today so I can get in there and delete everything.
    Drew and Jim are
now huddled together behind me quoting those posts back and forth to each other
in loud whispers and laughing like hyenas.
    “Claire, you
have raised quite the charming young man,” Madelyn says with a kind smile. 
“Gavin is just so precious, and Carter’s father and I just want to thank you
for taking such good care of our grandson”
    Fuck, why
does she have to be so nice?  She's like a sweet, Disney princess and I'm Girls
Gone Wild on crack.
    “Right,
Charles?”
    When he doesn’t
answer her immediately, she elbows him in the side and he jerks his head back
around, no doubt from checking out the waitress.
    “Oh, yes. 
Absolutely, Candy.  Wonderful job.”
    Now it’s Candy? 
Do I look like a fucking stripper?
    “Thank you, that means a lot to
me,” I tell her, pasting on a smile.
    “You’re looking
a little tired today, Claire. Did my son keep you out late last night?” she
asks.
    Carter tries to
cover up a snort from behind me, and my elbow meets his stomach, much in the
same way his mother’s just had with his father.
    I’m pretty sure
his mom doesn’t want me to tell her my late night involved sex in public, back
door begging, sperm demanding, wine drinking debauchery.  Although with my
luck, those things could be somewhere on Facebook and she’ll find out soon
enough.
    Someone calls
Madelyn’s name and while she looks away, I pull Liz’s phone out from behind my
back and furiously pull Facebook back up so I can begin the deletion process. 
Before I can even get to Madelyn’s page, the phone is seized from me.
    “Ah-ah-ah!  This
is a no cell phone zone!  And we have a surprise for both of you,” Madelyn
exclaims with a huge smile as she drops Liz’s phone in the front pocket of her
dress pants and I try not to whimper.  “I’ll be right back with your surprise.”
    She quickly
turns and walks away from us, her heels clicking on the wood floor as she exits
the party room.
    “She’s probably
going to get her gun.  At least she’s giving you a head start,” my dad
whispers.
    Carter’s father
stays with our group and attempts to start up a conversation with my dad while
I try to figure out a way to sneak my hand into Madelyn’s pants pocket when she
comes back without her thinking I'm trying to get to second base.
    My dad looks
blankly at Charles while he yammers on and on about the stock market and their
last vacation to France.  The first time he had smacked my dad on the arm
trying to be all buddy-buddy with him, I feared for Charles’, life.  My dad
looks down at the spot where Charles’ hand connected and then back up at him
before walking away without another word.  Charles doesn’t seem phased by it
since Liz bends over the table to set her purse down right then and he has
something else to occupy his mind.
    Drew and Jim are
in a deep discussion about having another bachelor party, this time with
strippers, when Liz suddenly latches tightly onto my arm and jerks me towards
her.
    “Oh my God!  Who
is that?” she whispers in horror as Carter and I turn to see who she is
pointing at.
    “That’s my
grandmother,” Carter replied with a huge smile as we watch his mom escort an
older version of herself into the room.  “This must be our surprise.  I had no
idea she was going to be in town.”
    At that moment,
Drew turns around and spits out the mouthful of water he was drinking. 
Something about the woman is a little familiar, but I have never met Carter’s
grandmother.  He talks about her all the time and I know that Carter’s mother
does whatever she asks.  Thank God she