Free Futures and Frosting by Tara Sivec

whore
anyway”.
    After we
conclude a few minutes of small talk, Madelyn and Charles whisk Gavin away and
begin spoiling him by letting him order anything he wants on the menu, even if
it's five different desserts. I turn to glare at Drew as Carter moves behind me
and wraps his arms around my waist.
    “Why the hell do
I need to check Facebook?” I practically screech at him.  “What did you let me
do?”
    “Well, the word
‘vagina’ may have been used in several posts last night,” Drew informs me
seriously.  “As well as a few words even I’ve never heard before.”
    I can feel
Carter’s rumble of laughter as his chest presses up against my back.
    “Oh this should
be good,” he says absently as he rests his chin on my head.
    I shake my head
in denial, completely horrified at the fact that I drunk Facebooked last night.
    How can he be
so calm?  God only knows what I did that his mother might have seen.
    “No wonder your
mother isn’t very impressed by me,” I state.
    “Nah, don’t take
that personally.  Madelyn Ellis was born with a stick up her ass,” Drew
reassures me.
    “It’s true, she
was,” Carter agreed.  “And they love you so stop it.”
    A few minutes
later, Liz, Jim, and my father arrive and after introducing themselves to
Carter’s parents, they make their way over to our little group.
    “So, I’m
guessing since you’re still alive Carter’s mom either hasn’t read her Facebook
page yet or she has a really good sense of humor,” Liz says with a laugh.
    Oh my God.  That’s
it! I’m putting an ad out for new friends.
    “I should have
been nowhere even remotely near Facebook in that condition.  What is wrong with
you people?!” I yell in a loud whisper so Carter’s parents won’t hear my
hysterical breakdown from their table over by the kitchen where they are
currently showing Gavin what each utensil is for and how to place the napkin in
his lap.
    Oh Jesus. 
They have manners.  They have manners and they’re all proper and know which
fork to use, and I took a dump on their Facebook page last night.
    “You guys let
her near the internet when you went out?  Jim should especially know better. 
How many times has she lifted your cell phone and hacked your Facebook page to
tell everyone you like to eat baked beans off of hookers?” My dad asks with a
chuckle.
    “I wouldn’t
laugh if I were you, George.  I remember when she changed your status to say,
‘Can anyone tell me what it means when your penis has a blue discharge that
smells like egg salad?’” Jim reminds him.
    “So who let the
dip shit near a phone?” my dad questions.
    Can you feel the
love?  Can you?  It feels almost like having my toenails ripped out.
    “Well, at first
we thought we should take her Blackberry away for her own safety and for that
of those around her.  But when she posted, “Spitters are quitters” on every one
of Carter’s cousin’s pictures in her photo album, at that point it was just too
funny to put a stop to.” Drew laughs.
    Oh fuck me.
    I vaguely
remember while Carter was up at the bar buying a bottle of wine at the fourth winery,
I told everyone the story about how his cousin Katie gave some guy a blow job
in college and gagged on his spunk.  The very same story she had just told me a
few days ago when she accepted my friend request and swore me to secrecy.  Yes,
I realize this is very personal information to be sharing with an
almost-stranger, but we bonded quickly over Facebook email, what can I say?  I
may have suggested that if I told anyone her deep, dark secret she could shave
my head.
    Double fuck.
    “I really don’t
want to hear the story about my cousin that goes along with that, do I?” Carter
asks as I crane my neck around to see the grimace on his face.
    “Probably not,”
I mutter as I look back at Liz.
    “Give me your
phone.  Now,” I state with my hand out to her.
    Of course, today
of all days my phone’s battery is dead and I've left the fucking