Free penance. a love story (The Böhme Series) by Sarah Buhl Page A

was breaking and this was part of her downward spiral. She was trying to be this person. What had driven her to this place? For the briefest moment embarrassment was in her expression as well. I wanted to throw the tattooed douche off her and pull her from the alley away from this place; away from the garbage on the ground surrounding his feet; away from the pain in her eyes. It was a foreign reaction and the longer I stared into her eyes, the harder it was to fight. I wanted to shield her from herself. I wanted to protect her from whatever it was that caused her to make the decision to be with this random guy in a dark dirty alley.
    Douche guy groaned and reminded me there was another person with us. For one odd moment, his ability to hold her up as he was impressed me. But she was not impressed by him, she continued to stare at me and smile as she pulled her lower lip into her mouth again. With that lip still in her mouth, her shoulders rose as her body reacted to the man under her. She released her lip from her teeth as she moaned once again, meeting my eyes. She was stunning and frightening at once.
    I broke eye contact to con tinue on my way. I didn't want douche guy to know I watched. I didn’t want to devalue it by bringing his reaction into the equation. Turning back toward her again, because it was evident I was a masochist, I watched her lower her skirt and tilt her head to the side in observation of me. I saw the hollowness in her eyes as we shared an unspoken moment. I needed her name and I needed to talk to her. As she watched me walk away, I struggled to not run back and pull her away with me. It was a fucked up reaction and I wondered who I became in those few moments shared with her in that alley.

6
Hannah
 
    I watched the stranger with tattooed words along his arms walk away towards the street. I had not spoken to him once, but he was filling me with a want I never knew. I didn’t let him open the door for me because I didn’t want more from him than a glance. I deserved to be a distant memory to every man I met. I wanted to be a vague afterthought. I wanted the memory of, “Remember that one girl—what was her name?” My name and face then forgotten to them. I was a fleeting moment as I passed in their lives. One quick blink and I’m gone. In his eyes though, I craved remembrance.
    His intensity as he watched me was the most erotic yet humbling experience I ever had. I couldn’t get those eyes out of my mind as the man standing next to me finished fastening his pants. I never got his name either, but decided his number was twenty-six because that was the date today. My numbers never went in order. He leaned in to kiss me and I turned my cheek to him. I never let them kiss me because I needed to stay empty.
    “That was… god that was… amazing,” he declared and I nodded without emotion at his declaration as I ran my hand over my skirt. I looked toward the end of the alley where the stranger left. Twenty-six’s statement felt odd because our interaction meant nothing to me.
    I walked towards the street where the tattooed stranger left. Twenty-six followed close behind and laid his hand across the small of my back. I looked at him and gave a small smile at the revving of an engine. I looked toward the sound and saw the stranger fastening his helmet under his chin. He turned out of his parking spot and came toward us. I watched him in awe because he deserved no less. As he passed by, I nodded my head and smiled, in the same way he had me in the bar.
    He drove away and emptiness consumed me, “Nice bike,” Twenty-six said as he started to put his hand across my back again.
    I gave him a quick smile before turning toward the bar, “I should get going .” I tilted my thumb toward the entrance. “I need to find my friends and I have to start a new job tomorrow.”
    “Oh yeah, the bookstore, you mentioned that,” he said as he put his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels, waiting for