Free penance. a love story (The Böhme Series) by Sarah Buhl Page B

something from me that I couldn’t give—my number maybe?
    My drunk self was an idiot for sharing about my job. I hoped that he saw us as a one-night stand and nothing more. It was a late night screw to add to the list of events that consume the pain. I used to think sex in an alley intriguing. Now, after experiencing it, hollowness filled me.
    I regretted the watchful eyes of the stranger though, because in his eyes it gave the act meaning. I hoped the act tore more from me, but it became significant having him there. He watched me and he saw me. Part of me hoped he saw more in me and it scared me shitless because I wanted to fade away.
    “Yep, the bookstore,” I said . “But it was fun hanging out with you.” I brought my thoughts back to evading this guy. I needed to find my friends.
    He lowered his head, “Yeah, maybe I will see you around sometime .” He grabbed my hand and pulled me back in for a kiss. He had slight stubble that rubbed against my cheek as I turned it toward him, and I tried to give him a smile, but it was difficult. He was a number and I didn’t owe him nor did him me.
    My parents preached that sex before marriage was an everlasting sin. If I committed the sin, an eternity in hell awaited me. With the fear of god instilled in me at a young age, I believed them. Since I began this path, I started to wonder if they were right. The last couple years have spearheaded it right into the limelight. I was living in damnation for what I did. My choices were a living hell from which there was no escape.
    I once thought a carefree life is what I wanted. But now casual sex fulfilled a need. I couldn’t have a connection. I needed to feed my addiction. The act wasn’t the addiction, but the hollowness it left in me was. I needed the numbness it brought. As a junkie searches for the abandonment drugs give, I sought sex. I needed to be emptied.
    I removed his hand from my forearm and continued into Henley’s. I found Gabe, Toby, and Maggie standing at the bar where we sat earlier. The stranger’s friend sat with them and let out a boisterous laugh at something Gabe said. I smiled as I watched the interaction between them.
    When I approached, Gabe clapped his hands, abandoning his conversation, “There you are,” he said as he pulled me in and kissed my cheek. Though he had consumed many drinks, I assumed a kiss was to be expected from him. “Hannah, I want you to meet my friend Blake. Blake Lawson,” he said as he waved his hand toward the man that was standing next to him.
    Blake stepped up from leaning on the counter and put his hand toward me and I took it to shake. “Nice to meet you,” he said and started to pull my hand up to kiss it and I pulled it out of his grasp.
    “Do you think that move works?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
    He laughed a deep baritone laugh as he leaned back against the bar, “Most times it does, yes,” he said, giving me eyes that said he was studying me, but not for his own reference. He looked as if he were calculating my actions to evaluate me for a project.
    “Well, it won't work on me ,” I said as I looked over at the door and saw that Twenty-Six had followed. I grabbed hold of Gabe and leaned into him, rubbing my nose on his ear. “Gabe, put your hand my hip, please.”
    Gabe looked at me and obliged as he saw who I assumed was the guy over my shoulder. “Oh, okay. The sailor boy is old news now? I can take care of that .” He traced his hand across my hip and pulled me in as he kissed me, and the depth of it shocked me to my toes. He gave me the first kiss I had in years and my eyes were huge in response. I wasn’t expecting such a display from him, but I guess he didn’t want to half-ass it. Only two guys had kissed me before and now Gabe was my third. He pulled away from me and whispering in my ear, he slapped my butt, “He’s gone,” he said with a smile, and turned to order more drinks.
    Maggie laughed so loud it drew several looks and Toby