Free Desperation of Love by Alice Montalvo-Tribue

we can take this thing. There’s just a lot more at stake with him, and I don’t want to make things awkward between me and my best friend, Elle. I understand that it’s not the best idea to do the relationship thing with Alex but God, I can’t help but want him. He makes it so easy to want more. He makes me believe that more might just be in the realm of possibilities. Like a healthy relationship might just be within my reach. All I have to do is grab onto it.
    He snuggles his head into the crook of my neck and kisses my throat. “Mmm, good morning.”
    “Good morning.”
    “You’re still here. I didn’t wake up in your bed all alone this time.”
    “Hahaha. You’re so funny,” I say with a grin.
    “And you’re so beautiful.” His words make me blush. Normally, I would eat a compliment like that up but from Alex, it just makes me shy.
    “What do you have planned today, princess?”
    “I have to work. I have to meet a deadline. How about you?”
    “Victor and I have to meet with a contractor for the studio.” He places a kiss on my lips and gets up out of bed. “I’m going to jump in the shower and get out of here. I’ll see you later?”
    “Yeah, sure,” I respond. He smiles at me and walks out of my room abruptly, leaving me alone and wondering what exactly just happened. I thought for sure he would try to at least fool around a little bit. I’m still not entirely sure what’s going on with us. A few days ago, Alex couldn’t keep his hands off me, and now he won’t even touch me. It’s like he wasn’t affected by me at all, like all of a sudden he couldn’t get away from me quick enough.
     

     
    The rest of the week passes by quickly. Alex and I have fallen into an easy routine. He leaves every morning to work on the studio or work out at the gym, and I spend much of the day in my home office trying to stay on top of all my deadlines. In the evening, Alex makes dinner for us. I clean up the kitchen, then we snuggle together in front of the TV. When nighttime falls, he always ends up in my bed. We sleep together, and by sleep, I mean sleep, literally. Alex has not touched me in a sexual way since that morning in my room, and I’m not sure why. I don’t even know how I feel about it. I also don’t know how to bring it up without embarrassing myself and I have no one that I can talk to about it.
    Now it’s Friday night, and I’m on my way to meet Elle for dinner. I wish that I could talk to her about Alex, fill her in about what’s been going on and ask for her opinion about the matter, but I’m not ready to let her know about us. I pull into the parking lot of a little Italian restaurant that we both love and head inside. I check in with the hostess just as Elle makes her way inside. Her long brown locks cascade past her shoulders. She is wearing an ankle length maxi dress that shows off her expanding belly and glowing skin. In fact, she’s radiating happiness. It seeps out of her pores. Her eyes, which once were cold and devoid of emotion, are now full of life and light. There’s no denying the kind of love that she’s found in her life, the life that she shares with Victor. I wonder if my relationship with Alex will ever amount to that.
    “Hey, pumpkin,” I say, giving her a hug when she makes it over to me. She returns the hug and greets me. “You look beautiful. Pregnancy agrees with you.”
    “Ugh,” she grunts as we follow the hostess to our table. “I’m just so ready for this baby to get here. I’m so tired of being exhausted and swollen. Victor won’t even let me drive anymore because he’s afraid I’m going to burst. He makes poor Rob chauffer me around.”
    I give her a sympathetic smile. “This baby will be here before you know it.”
    Her face lights up. “I know,” she says, taking a seat. “I know I complain because pregnancy symptoms suck but, Jordan, I’m so happy. I never knew it could be like this. Victor’s always been amazing and it took me a