Free The Nothingness of Ben by Brad Boney

take a hike down the gay Appalachian Trail.’ Christ, Ben, why didn’t you just volunteer?”
    Ben felt the sting of embarrassment slap him in the face. “Okay, fair enough. But me being stoned and gay explains my bad behavior. What’s your excuse?” Travis didn’t answer and Ben pressed on. “Are you attracted to me?”
    “I suppose that depends on how you define attracted .”
    “What’s wrong with you? Are you drunk?”
    “I had one shot.”
    “Then answer my question.”
    “I just said you’re a good-looking guy.”
    “That’s not what I asked.”
    “I know it’s not what you asked. But chill out. Seriously. There ain’t nothing going on here, period. I didn’t come back so I could kiss you at midnight, Ben. Give me a fucking break. My girl just broke up with me thirty minutes ago, so excuse me if I crack a few bad jokes. And if I bumped your knee at dinner….”
    “It was more than a bump.”
    “What the fuck ever. Excuse me for that too. I wasn’t trying to give you a boner, for Christ’s sake. Do you got to make a fucking federal case out of something like that? Geez Louise, you faggots are all alike.”
    Ben rolled his head back and sighed. Travis stiffened up, knowing full well that he had crossed a line.
    “I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t know what’s going on here….”
    “Well, I suppose that’s just the redneck in you coming out. Travis, I have no other choice but to ask you to leave.”
    “I said I was sorry. I don’t know why I….”
    “Stop, it’s okay. My skin isn’t that thin, and I don’t think you’re a bad person who hates gay people. But you should sleep at your place tonight. Come back tomorrow and we’ll pretend this whole conversation never happened.”
    “I can’t crash in the guest room?”
    Ben shook his head.
    “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
    Travis paused, like he was wondering what he should do. Finally, he stood up and clapped his hands together. “I reckon I’ll be going, then. Happy New Year.”
    Ben didn’t get up. “Happy New Year,” he grumbled. “Lord knows, it’s got to be better than the last one.”
    “I hope so,” Travis said. He turned toward the front door and then stopped. “I’m sorry, Ben. Really.” When Ben didn’t respond, Travis continued out the door, down the porch steps, and across the street to Mrs. Wright’s house.
    As he lay in bed that night, Ben thought he felt something he hadn’t felt in years. This can’t be happening , he told himself. He covered his head with a pillow and tried to wish it away, until the same eerie silence settled over the Walsh house again and Ben reluctantly fell asleep.

Chapter 7

     
    W HEN he woke up the next morning, Ben decided to call Colin.
    “Finally. Your parents get killed in a car accident and I do not hear from you for two weeks. Unacceptable, Walsh.”
    “Happy New Year to you too.”
    No response.
    “I’ve been texting you,” added Ben.
    “Not the same thing.”
    “How long are you going to be upset with me? Don’t be a prick and make this all about you.”
    Silence.
    “Okay,” Colin finally said, the anger draining from his voice. “You’re right. How are you doing?”
    “Where do I even begin?”
    “Did you get custody of your brothers?”
    “Yes.”
    “Brilliant. So what’s next?”
    “What do you mean what’s next? New York is over. I’m moving back to Austin to take care of them.”
    “What are you talking about? New York is never over.”
    “Well, it is for me. I don’t have options, Colin. They’ll split them up if I don’t come back.”
    “They’ll split them up if you don’t take guardianship.”
    “What’s the difference?”
    “Who says you have to take care of them in Austin?”
    Ben was silent for a few seconds. Then he said, “You mean move them to New York?”
    “Yes, I mean move them to New York.”
    “I could never afford that. Raising three teenage boys in the city? And besides, they live here. They go to school