look at how you’re treating that woman in the mirror. As you inspect every inch of your reflection, you may find that you shower yourself with deeply hurtful words that would make you outraged if you heard them said to anyone else. You know that the people you love can’t thrive under constant scrutiny, yet you may discover that you punish yourself in this way endlessly. The first step in beginning to repair your relationship with yourself is awareness.
WHAT’S YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MIRROR?
Take a moment now to ask yourself these questions:
What is my relationship to the mirror?
Do I avoid it?
Do I spend a long time in front of it critiquing myself?
Notice what you say to yourself when you’re faced with your own reflection and write those words down.
Whatever your answers, when you approach the mirror you will find what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for flaws you will find them. If you’re looking for things to appreciate, you’ll find those. You may think that you need the critique and that by being hard on yourself, you will be shielded from other people’s judgments about you. In fact, as we saw with Cindy, when you appreciate yourself and your own beauty, you radiate that beauty to everyone around you.
As you look at yourself, notice any critical self-talk or emotions that surface. If an emotion comes up, measure it on a scale of 0 to 10 and write it down. The key here is to give that emotion or critical self-talk a voice as you tap. The tapping script below may serve as a guide to get you started. Do a few rounds of tapping and check in to see how you feel. You may find that the intensity increases when you begin tapping; this may simply be because this is the first time you’ve given a voice to these words you say to yourself on a regular basis. This is a sign that you’ve hit the nail on the head, so keep tapping!
Karate Chop: Even though I feel panic as I harshly judge the image in the mirror, I love and accept myself. (Repeat this three times.) Eyebrow: Noticing everything I don’t like …
Side of Eye: I’m standing in front of my harshest critic.
Under Eye: There is no way to feel happy with this image.
Under Nose: How did I let myself get like this?
Chin: All these emotions I face in front of the mirror …
Collarbone: I allow myself to give them a voice.
Under Arm: This feeling of panic …
Top of Head: Rejecting the person in the mirror.
The key is to give a conscious voice to the words you would say to your reflection in the mirror as you do the tapping. When you feel like you can say those words without feeling like they are completely true, move on to the positive. This is all part of the same tapping sequence, so there’s no need for another Karate Chop setup statement.
Eyebrow: I have been so hard on you.
Side of Eye: You deserve more than this.
Under Eye: You don’t need to do anything to deserve love.
Under Nose: I love you now.
Chin: I choose to appreciate you for all you do.
Why We Tap on the Negative Before the Positive
Although we may have every intention of being kinder to ourselves, it often feels impossible because our negative words feel so true. When we feel panic in our bodies, it’s hard to simply change our mind. When we tap on how we feel first, we can feel calm even when those negative thoughts come up. Then, once we’re feeling more relaxed, we can move on to something more empowering.
Collarbone: I choose to speak kindly to you.
Under Arm: I love you, body.
Top of Head: I promise to take steps to express all the love you deserve.
Take a deep breath and check in with how you feel. Measure the intensity again and continue tapping until you experience relief.
For an extended tapping script on this topic, go to www.TheTappingSolution.com/chapter3 .
Panic Trigger #2: The Scale
During the first session of my online weight loss class, I tell my students that they can weigh themselves once at the start of the class if they want to, and