Free Olivia by Lori L. Otto

and
kissed the top of my head. It made me cry harder.
    “ Tessa, shhh...” he whispered.
“Where’s her bag?”
    “ I’ve got it,” Jon answered. “We’re
ready.”
    “ Grab some tissues,” Dad suggested,
and I saw Matty returning to the bathroom to get some. “Did you
check out, Matthew?”
    “ I did.”
    “ Let’s get going.”
    “ Where’s Mom?” I asked as we walked
to the awaiting car.
    “ Mom, Jackson and Kelly all caught
a commercial flight to New York early this morning.”
    “ What’s Lexi going to do?” Granna
and my cousin had grown close over the past year when Lexi was
teaching music classes at the Art Room.
    “ I think Steven and Renee convinced
her to go on her honeymoon. I know Donna would have wanted that.
After all, it was her suggestion to go to Thailand.”
    We took a small jet to London, and transferred to a
larger private plane that carried us back to the States. Dad spent
a lot of time on the phone with Granna’s husband and friends,
offering to make calls and other arrangements for them. She had no
other family, but she had a lot of friends–a lot of friends who
hadn’t yet heard about her death.
    As Dad retold the story of her passing in phone
calls between conversations with his brother, Jon and I sat a few
rows behind them in the plane. He let me lean against him until his
arm got sore, and then I moved to lay my head down on a pillow in
his lap. We didn’t say much to one another over the long flight
home, but what we did say were reassurances to one another. I had
made sure he knew I loved him and had no regrets. I tried to sleep,
but it was restless, and I was also preoccupied with Granna’s
message, and couldn’t wait to hear it again once we landed. I
thought I might be in a better frame of mind now to hear something
in her voice: something that might have given me a clue about her
reason for calling me. After all, I was pretty sure she had told me
she loved me in the message. That couldn’t have been the reason for
the call.

    “ Earth to Livvy,” Camille says as
she snaps her fingers in front of my face. I can feel the heat on
my cheeks and feel the lump in my throat, my emotions mixed and
confused, remembering what it felt like that next day. The
experience between Jon and me was marred by horrible news, and
guilt had overcome me. Although I know there is no logical reason
behind my feelings, I truly feel like the night I spent with Jon in
Greece was the karmic impetus for what happened in New York that
same evening. Would she have died if we hadn’t gone all the way?
Could I have helped her if I’d taken the call? It’s something I
don’t like to think about.
    “ What?” I ask, smiling
inquisitively, innocently.
    “ Daydreaming?”
    “ Maybe a little,” I say. “And
wondering how Jon’s doing today. I think I’ll go try to call
him.”
    My friends wave as I leave the table and make my way
outside to the courtyard. The sky is growing dark, rainclouds
moving in. I sit down on a concrete bench, purposefully facing the
flowerbed and not the street, just in case there are any
photographers nearby. I’m constantly on alert these days, and I
don’t like that very much.
    I know Jon won’t answer his phone, but I try him
once more anyway. I leave him a voicemail, feeling more reflective
than usual and wishing he was with me to get my mind off
things.
    “ Hi. I was just thinking about
Mykonos and wondering... you know. If we hadn’t... if you hadn’t...
you know what? Nevermind. I’m just rambling. I miss you. When can I
see you again? Call me tonight, if you’re not too busy.”
    What if we’d stayed in England? Jon and I wouldn’t
have been given the opportunity to be alone. I’m sure I would have
answered my phone. Maybe I could have helped her. Would she still be alive?
    It’s a dumb question. How could our relationship
have anything to do with Granna’s fate? It’s completely
unrealistic. I know this. The guilt still eats away at me,