Free Lifeless - 5 by Mark Billingham Page A

mountain of fag ends, some old newspapers, a soggy, mouldering rol of carpet that had once been a dosser's bed.
    Huge bluebottles flew around their heads as Palmer threw stones at the remaining slivers of glass in the rotting window frames. Nicklin stubbed out his fag and looked around for something, anything, to
    spark him off, and Karen wandered around singing the latest Duran Duran single, her light, high voice echoing off the grimy Artex wal s.
    'Let's go. Fuck-al in here.' Nicklin aimed a kick at an empty bottle. It skittered across the concrete floor and into the far wal where it smashed.
    Palmer cheered. 'We could start a fire or something...'
    'Let's al have a dump,' Karen said, ignoring him and leering at Nicklin. She began to laugh and Palmer turned away, blushing. He hated it when she talked like that. She would squat down in the long grass sometimes and he couldn't bear it.
    'Boring,' Nicklin said. 'Fucking eggs for lunch anyway. Couldn't squeeze one out even if I wanted to.' He lit another cigarette from a packet of ten Silk Cut. Karen took a loose one from the top pocket of her denim jacket and moved over to join him. She took the cigarette from Nicklin's mouth and used it to light her own.
    When Palmer turned round, Karen and Nicklin had gone. For a moment he was frightened, but then he heard them just outside, murmuring. He looked out through the broken window towards the embankment opposite. There was a housing estate at the top, where Smart lived, and he'd seen people emptying their bins down there, using the grassy, green bank as a rubbish tip. Shitting in it, every bit as much as Karen or Nicklin did.
    He stil loved the place though. He knew where there was a foxes' earth hidden in the roots of a large oak tree. He'd once found a baby jay at the foot of the very same tree, bright blue and puffed-up, miaowing like a cat, cal ing for its mother. He knew where to find massive blackberries and which species of butterfly were attracted by the bud dleia that flourished al over the place, and he knew where he could find slow worms and grass snakes nesting beneath rusting sheets of corrugated iron...
    He was startled by a footstep next to him, the sound of broken glass being ground into concrete. He turned quickly to see Nicklin at his shoulder, smiling like he'd final y found something.
    'Karen wants to do it with you.' His tone, matter of fact. Palmer said nothing. Nicklin took a drag on his cigarette, waited, shrugged. 'I'l tel her you're not up for it then, shal I?'
    'Everything?' Palmer's voice, helium-high, his breathing ragged. 'That's what she said. She's had it with loads of blokes, done al sorts, it's not a big deal real y. Probably suck you off as wel ...' He ran a hand across his head. His normal y thick black hair had been cut suedehead-short for the summer.
    'What does she want me to do?'
    'Just fuck her, mate.' Then a snort and a laugh. Nicklin's voice high
    too, his movements jerky. Excited...
    Palmer turned to look at him, his palm already pressing against the
    front of his trousers. 'No... I want to. I just mean, does she want me to go outside or wil she... ? Come on, Stu... what?' Trying to force a smile. Mates together. Not scared.
    'Just get it out. She's probably got her pants off already. I'l go
    and get her.' Nicklin flicked his cigarette into the corner and strol ed outside.

    After a few seconds, Palmer could hear him round the side of the building, whispering to Karen. He strained to hear the noise of clothing being removed, listened for the sounds that he always imagined he would hear before sex - a moan in the throat, a catch in the breath. The only breathing he could hear was his own; rapid, desperate, unsexy, as he loosened his belt and reached for his zip. He turned away from the doorway and stared at the wal , trying to calm down. Trying not to think of the things she was going to do to him. Someone had scrawled a cock on the dusty grey breezeblocks. He looked down at his own, far