Free Feel My Love by Ash Johnson

way Jake’s face paled when I told him I’d caught him cheating. 
    “Then, I applied for every out of state school I could think of just so I could start over.  Two weeks after we last talked, SDSU gave me a full ride scholarship because of my grades, and I snagged all the money I had saved and moved down here with the knowledge that I got to start my life over; or actually got to start my life.” 
    I look into Ryan’s eyes, trying to figure out what he is thinking, but can’t pick out anything except sorrow. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, not sure if he’s trying to comfort me or himself.
    I figure I should change the subject and try to lighten the mood a little, so I say “I can’t tell you how shocking it was to see that I ran you over with my bike.  Fate is a curious thing, isn’t it?” I laugh.  “I didn’t think I would ever see you again.  Figured you and Amber had at least four rug rats running around and she was a stay at home mom while you worked some luxurious job to bring home the bacon.  I’m sorry your life didn’t turn out that way.”  I shrug at him, while he tilts his head and lowers his brows. 
    “Why would you be sorry that my life didn’t turn out that way, Brynn?  That sounds like a horrible, boring life.”  I laug h and he pulls me closer to him, so that I am practically sitting in his lap. 
    “I am so glad my life didn’t turn out that way, Brynnie.  I would be miserable.  I was never in love with Amber and knew that I was just marrying her for the girls; I think she knew it, too.  That’s probably why she checked out when she did.  I shut down from her after she made me stop talking to you.  I actually hated her after that, but knew I had to be civil, since she was my wife and all.”  Ryan’s eyes crinkle in the corners as he smiles. 
    Then he looks down at our hands, which are now clasped together in my lap.  “It’s always been you, Brynn.  It’s only ever been you that I’ve been in love with.”
    I look down at our entangled hands and nod slowly.  Those were the words that I had waited since third grade to hear from this man.  I clear my throat and say “I have a confession to make.”  Glancing up at Ryan, I notice his face pales and he looks like he might throw up. 
    “Oh no, it’s nothing bad!” I say, a nd he lets out a puff of air and his shoulders slump down.  I chuckle “I haven’t had an actual boyfriend since Jake.  When I broke up with him and moved down here, I figured I could start a new life and find a great man that was faithful and honest and loved me.  But when I started dating, I could only go out with them a few times before I realized that something big was missing from all of them.”  I lean my face closer to Ryan, so our foreheads are touching, and look into his eyes. 
    “The thing that was missing from all of these different guys was that they weren’t you.  I have been in love with you for I don’t know how long, and even though I’ve been trying to tell myself for the past eight years that you were gone and I needed to move on, I just couldn’t.   I think I was always waiting for you.”  Ryan lets go of my hands and touches each side of my face, pulling me closer to him. 
    “I can’t thank you enough for waiting, Brynnie, but I won’t make you wait anymore.” Then his lips are on mine with such tenderness, that a tear rolls down my cheek. 
    The first thing I notice is that his lips are so soft and sweet that I could kiss him forever and not get tired of it.  The second thing I notice is that this kiss isn’t one of those awkward friend kisses at all.  His kisses feel right and have more passion and feeling in them than any other man I have ever kissed. 
    Instead of breaking off the kiss, Ryan’s lips become more hectic and I feel his tongue lick across the opening of my mouth.  I moan softly and give him what he wants, touching my tongue with his.  One of his hands moves from my left