Free Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

power.”
    Everyone laughed. Even Sharkey. “You got that right,” he said.
    Then Adam looked at me and asked, “What comes up for you, Zach, when you look at the board?”
    I hated to say stuff in Group. Like Adam didn’t know that. “Look,” I said, “all I know is that the only thing I’m in charge of is Zach.”
    Adam smiled. “And how are you doing with that?”
    “I’m doing a pretty shitty job if you ask me.”
    He nodded. “That’s honest. That’s really honest, Zach.”
    He looked at Rafael. “What about you, Rafael?”
    “In charge?” He laughed. It was a really sad laugh. “It’s all gotten away. Everything. It’s all gotten away.”
    “What’s gotten away?” Adam got this really serious look on his face.
    “My life,” he said. “It’s gotten away.”
    Everyone got real quiet.
    Then Adam said, “Homework.” I knew that was coming. “Everyone make a list of the ways you’ve lost charge of yourself, lost control of yourself, lost control of your life.”
    “I thought we were supposed to turn our control over to our higherpower.” Mark had this cynical look on his face. He was like that sometimes. And the thing was that Mark just did not get into the whole concept of a higher power.
    “Is that what you’re working on, Mark, turning your life over to your higher power?”
    Adam knew damn well this was not the case.
    “Look, I’m still not into this higher power thing. I just don’t get it.”
    “Sure you do,” Adam said. “You turned your life over to cocaine and vodka.”
    “That’s bullshit.”
    “Is it?”
    I mean the guy had been living in some cheesy hotel. He’d left everything, left his house, his wife, his job. He’d told us so himself. “You got me,” he said.
    “No, Mark, it’s not like that.” That Adam, he was one sincere guy. “I’m making up that you’ve handed over all your power to the crap in your life that screws you over. I’m making up that everyone in this room has done that.”
    He looked at the board. And this is what he wrote:
    ADAM IS IN CHARGE
    SHARKEY IS IN CHARGE alcohol and marijuana and cocaine and heroin and anger are IN CHARGE
    SHEILA IS IN CHARGE alcohol and marijuana are IN CHARGE
    RAFAEL IS IN CHARGE wine and sadness and depression are IN CHARGE
    LIZZIE IS IN CHARGE cocaine and self-loathing and negative self-talk are IN CHARGE
    ZACH IS IN CHARGE liquor and isolation and not remembering are IN CHARGE
    MARK IS IN CHARGE Heroin and cynicism are IN CHARGE
    KELLY IS IN CHARGE marijuana and depression and anxiety are IN CHARGE
    MAGGIE IS IN CHARGE alcohol is IN CHARGE
    When he finished, we all looked at the list. Adam studied the board for a moment. “Anybody want me to change anything?”
    Maggie spoke right up. “You forgot to add anger next to alcohol on mine.”
    Adam nodded. “Okay,” he said. He added anger next to Maggie’s name.
    Then Sharkey said, “You forgot to write something next to Adam.”
    Adam grinned at him. “Don’t worry about Adam. Worry about Sharkey.”
    That sort of made Sharkey quiet down. But, God, it was a sad list, I’ll tell you that. And it wasn’t like Adam was really making all this stuff up. I wanted to walk up to that list and erase it.
    I looked at Rafael who just kept shaking his head.
    I don’t want to know these things. I don’t. I know that Adam—look—he’s okay. He reminds me of Mr. Garcia. But he’s tearing me up.
    I hate this.
    The list makes me really sad.
    I’m thinking about bourbon.
    I’m thinking about how bourbon was my higher power. I’m feeling very anxious.
-4-
    At the end of the day, I was still on contract concerning the F- word. Sharkey went on contract concerning that word too. In fact we all went on contract. While he was at the board, Adam got this brilliant idea. Yeah, brilliant. We all had to list our favorite expressions and he put us all on contract. We couldn’t use those expressions in group for a week.
    “Look,” he said, “it’s not a bad idea for