running. Have fun breathing life into your sensual side.
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Part 2
Eight Secrets to Magnetizing Men
Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use .
Trust that still, small voice inside that says,
"This might work and I'll try it."
—
Diane Mariechild, author
Chapter 4
SECRET 1 To Hell with the Rules
Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use .
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
—
George Bernard Shaw
I have to say it. I hate rules. They're so damn confining. Not to mention they don't work, especially when it comes to relationships.
When you apply a rule, which is a decision you made about something in the past (usually during an upsetting moment), you pollute the present moment and close down an infinite number of possibilities. You contaminate your future with often inaccurate and obsolete information based on past events. Every moment is new and brilliantly unique because it's never happened before. Ever.
Dating rules and techniques are designed out of fear and scarcity. They exist to keep your partner off-balance sohe has to keep wondering about you and put his attention on you rather than on living the fullness of his own life. You do not want this. This is not true love; it's a never-ending game of manipulation.
Rules Kill Your Irresistibility
Our universe is forever expanding. That includes you. I'm certain you are smarter, more experienced, and more centered than you were ten years ago. Basing your approach to love on rules that may, or may not, have worked for you in the past (even if the past is twenty minutes ago) is like following a road map to a destination that no longer exists. When you follow rules for love, you kill your irresistibility and aliveness. There is no creativity in rules—no room for new possibilities or something wonderful to be born from the unknown.
Rules are often someone else's truth that you've adopted as your own. Many women have unconsciously absorbed other people's rules from their religion, their family, or the media. Others pick up self-help material that encourages manipulation and find it easier to follow some system rather than looking to discover their own truth.
Here are some common dating rules that wreak havoc on authentic irresistibility:
Never call a man.
Don't make eye contact with men.
Don't talk too much.
Don't have sex on the first date.
Never date more than one man at a time.
Don't make the first move.
Don't invite a man up to your place.
Never date a man who is shorter than you.
I say, rules shmules!
There are times when calling a man is absolutely the thing to do. Eye contact can be very sexy. Talking can be soul enlivening. Sex on the first date can lead to an intensely satisfying lifelong relationship. Dating several men can be fun and exciting.
Now there are times when these behaviors don't work and do kill your irresistibility. It's not, however, because of the "rule." It's because of who you are being when you're calling, looking, sexing, dating, and so on. You can break every rule in the book when you are fully centered and self-aware because you're in touch with your irresistibility.
Who You Are Being Makes All the Difference
Who you are being makes all the difference in the world when it comes to authentic irresistibility. Let me say this again for emphasis because it's the most important concept in the entire book:
Who you are
being
makes all the difference in the world when it comes to authentic irresistibility.
If you're being needy (see Unattractive Habit 1 , Chapter 3 ) when you call men because you don't yet realize a relationship will not save you (see Truth 1 , Chapter 2 ), you will effectively repel men.
If you're having sex with a man because you think it will make him love you and want to be with you, you've failed to understand that you cannot change the way a man feels ( Truth 4 , Chapter 2 ) and you'll find yourself disappointed and feeling used