Free Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business by Barbara Park

1 / Surprise
    My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all. B stands for something else, too.
    B stands for B-A-B-Y.
    I’m only in kindergarten. But I already know how to spell B-A-B-Y. That’s because my mother told me that she is going to have one of those things.
    She and Daddy told me about it at dinner one night. It was the night we had stewed tomatoes—which I hate very much.
    “Daddy and I have a surprise for you, Junie B.,” said Mother.
    And so then I got very happy inside. Because maybe I didn’t have to eat my stewie pewie tomatoes.
    And also sometimes a surprise means a present! And presents are my very favorite things in the whole world!
    I bounced up and down on my chair.
    “What is it? Is it all wrapped up? I don’t see it,” I said very excited.
    Then I looked under the table. Because maybe the surprise was hiding down there with a red ribbon on top of it.

    Mother and Daddy smiled at each other. Then Mother held my hand.
    “Junie B., how would you like to have a little baby brother or sister?” she said.
    I made my shoulders go up and down.
    “I don’t know. Maybe,” I told her.
    Then I looked under my chair.
    “Guess what?” I said. “I can’t find that silly willy present anywhere.”
    Mother made me sit up. Then she and my daddy said some more stuff about a baby.
    “The baby will be yours, too, Junie B.,” Daddy said. “Just think. You’ll have your very own little brother or sister to play with. Won’t that be fun?”
    I did my shoulders up and down again. “I don’t know. Maybe,” I said.
    Then I got down from my chair and ran into the living room.
    “BAD NEWS, FELLAS!” I hollered very loud. “THE PRESENT ISN’T IN THISDUMB BUNNY ROOM, EITHER!”
    Mother and Daddy came into the living room. They didn’t look that smiley anymore.
    Daddy took a big breath. “There is no
present
, Junie B.,” he said. “We never said we had a present. We said we had a
surprise
. Remember?”
    Then Mother sat down next to me. “The surprise is that I’m going to have a
baby
, Junie B. In a few months you’re going to have a little baby brother or sister. Do you get what I’m saying yet?”
    Just then I folded my arms and made a grumpy face. ’Cause all of a sudden I got it, that’s why.
    “You didn’t get me a darned thing, did you?” I said very growly.
    Mother looked angry at me. “I give up!” she said. Then she went back into the kitchen.
    Daddy said that I owed her a ’pology.
    A ’pology is when I have to say the words
I’m sorry
.
    “Yes, but she owes me a ’pology, too,” I said. “Because a baby isn’t a very good surprise.”
    I made a wrinkly nose. “Babies smell like P.U.,” I explained. “I smelled one at my friend Grace’s house. It had some spit-up on its front. And so I held my nose and hollered, ‘P.U.! WHAT A STINK BOMB!’ And then that Grace made me go home.”
    After I finished my story, Daddy went into the kitchen to talk to Mother.
    Then Mother called me in there. And she said if the baby smells like a stink bomb, she will buy me my very own air freshener. And I can spray the can all by myself.
    Except not on the P.U. baby.
    “I would like the one that smells as fresh as a Carolina pine forest,” I said.
    Then me and Mother hugged. And I sat back down at the table. And I finished eating my dinner.
    Except not my stewie pewie tomatoes.
    And so guess what?
    No dessert, that’s what.

2 / The Dumb Baby’s Room
    Mother and Daddy fixed up a room for the new baby. It’s called a nursery. Except I don’t know why. Because a baby isn’t a nurse, of course.
    The baby’s room used to be the guest room. That’s where all our guests used to sleep. Only we never had much guests.
    And so now if we get some, they’ll have to sleep on a table or something.
    The baby’s room has new stuff in it. That’s because Mother and Daddy went shopping at the new baby stuff store.
    They