Free Desired in December (Spring River Valley Book 12) by Clarice Wynter

again.
     
    * * * *
     
    Believing Cassie had a boyfriend had almost been easier to take than the truth. James didn’t need to hear that she had lied to keep him at a distance. He deserved that, but the look on her face told him she needed him to hear what she had to say, no matter how painful it was going to be for him.
    “So then why did you lie? Are you saying it’s not because you’ve given up and moved on , and you don’t want the jerk who dumped you in a letter hanging around?”
    Her eyes widened, and for a second, he expected her to just nod and dismiss him from her life forever. “No, I lied because you’re more than the jerk who dumped me in a letter. You’re the jerk who broke my heart the one and only time it’s ever been broken, and you’re the jerk I’ve been desperately trying to forget for the past five years, and I don’t want to be that girl who never gets over the jerk who got away and spends all her time fantasizing that there’s still a spark between us.”
    James gaped. Okay, so she’d called him a jerk four times in one sentence, but hadn’t she also admitted she wasn’t over him and that she still hoped there was a chance for them? “It’ll always be more than a spark, Sassie.” The nickname slipped out, and her cheeks flamed.
    She looked away. “Don’t call me that.”
    “I’m sorry. Look, I own it. I made the mistake. I was so stupid and scared, and I told myself that I owed it to myself to go out there and see what life was like outside this silly little town, and I didn’t want anything holding me back. It took me about six months to realize that wasn’t why I broke up with you.”
    “So why did you?” She sank into the nearest of the white metal chairs and folded her trembling hands on the table in front of her.
    “Turns out it was because I knew I couldn’t hold on to you from halfway around the world. I knew there was going to be someone, maybe dozens of guys, who were going to be here, right here in front of you, being what you needed and being what I couldn’t be. It was easier to push you away than to lose you.”
    “So you decided to break my heart before I broke yours?”
    He nodded. It sounded so foolish now, but he’d realized in time his choice was actually justifiable. “Then I started hearing stories about the guys who’d gone home to their wives and girlfriends and lost them anyway because what you have to do over there, what you go through, it can change you. I realized even if I’d trapped you and made you wait for me, when I got back, I might not be the same person. I didn’t want to come home as someone you didn’t recognize and have you realize you wasted all those years waiting for someone who was never going to come back, even if he was standing right in front of you. I loved you too much for that.”
    Cassie let out a shuddering breath , and the tears that had been brimming in her eyes spilled over her cheeks. “But here you are. And I recognize you, at least on the outside. On the inside are you the same man who left?”
    James shook his head. “No. And you’re not the s ame either.” He laughed. “Look at this place. Look at you. You’re a force of nature. You create something out of nothing all day, and everyone knows your name and everyone looks forward to seeing you. I’m in awe of who you are now.”
    Ignoring the compliment, Cassie stared at him. “But you’re not the same?”
    “There’s no way I could be. I came back knowing I’m not invincible and knowing how fragile everything is and how easily we can lose everything. It scares me sometimes. I sort of miss being the clueless kid I used to be who thought the worst thing in the world was having to explain to my Dad how the door of his Fiat got dented homecoming weekend. I’m not the guy who doesn’t have a care in the world anymore, but I’m still the guy who loves you, and the one who hasn’t given up hoping maybe I can make up for my mistake.”
    “What are you