Free Hit the Road, Manny: A Manny Files Novel by Christian Burch

Later, at recess, Craig asked if I had gotten in trouble. I lied and told him yes because I thought it made me sound tougher. When he asked what I had gotten in trouble for, I panicked and told him that I had been caught taking caffeine pills so that I could stay up and study for tests. It didn’t really happen to me. It happened to Jessie Spano on Saved by the Bell . Craig just looked at me funny and ran off to play kickball. Sarah told me that she had seen that rerun of Saved by the Bell too.
    Belly was still making the “Oooooh” noise when the police officer walked up to Mom’s rolled-down window. Lulu shushed her. She did it so hard that spit came flying out of her mouth, and Belly had to wipe her face off with her hands. Her “Oooooh” turned into an “Ewwwww!”
    The police officer had on aviator sunglasses that he didn’t take off. His buttoned up shirt stretched tight across his stomach, and his farmer-tanned arms had big muscles. A farmer tan is when you have sleeve marks on your arms from the sun. Dad gets them when he plays golf. When he takes his shirt off, he still looks like he has one on, except for his nipples.
    “Do you know how fast you were going, ma’am?” the officer asked.
    “She was going forty-seven miles per hour, sir!” I shot my head up between the front seats of the RV to inform the police officer. I had looked at the speedometer right when I heard the police siren. Mom turned to me and glared, so I sat back in my seat.
    “You do know that this is a thirty-five-mile-per-hour zone, don’t you?”
    “I’m sorry, Officer,” said Mom. “We were listening to ABBA, and the excitement took control of me. It will never happen again.”
    The officer didn’t even smile when Mom tried to use ABBA as an excuse for speeding. He said, “You’re right. It won’t happen again,” and he asked to see her license and registration.
    Just then Belly ran up to the front of the RV and said in her most amazed voice, “ARE YOU A REAL POLICE GUY?” She climbed on Mom’s lap, ignoring the authority that police officers have. She tried to touch his shiny badge with her pointer finger, but Mom slapped her hand away softly.
    That didn’t stop Belly. She reached out the window and tried to take the police officer’s sunglasses off of him.
    I could see Mom squeezing the back of Belly’s neck, trying to get her to stop.
    “I am a real police officer, young lady. What’s your name?”
    “MIRABELLE, BUT CALL ME BELLY.”
    “Because you’re as cute as a button?” the officer said, trying to make a belly button joke. It wasn’t funny, but we all laughed really loudly like he was Jim Carrey making faces. India even slapped her knee and pretended to be brought to tears with laughter. We thought it might help Mom get out of a speeding ticket if we laughed at all the officer’s jokes.
    It worked. The officer told Mom to put away her license and registration and gave her a warning. His name was Renny. I’ve never met anyone named Renny before. I think it must be short for Renaldo or Renegade. We ended up standing on the side of the road, still in our pajamas, taking a picture of Belly with the policeman in front of his police car. Belly on the police officer’s shoulders. Belly in handcuffs leaned against the police car, pretending to be getting arrested. That’s my favorite one. I told Dad that it should be our Christmas card, with the caption “Here’s looking ahead to the future! Happy holidays from the Dalingers!”
    Officer Renny even let Belly talk over his loudspeaker.
    She said, “MOM…CRAZY DRIVER!”
    Mom laughed her nervous laugh where she tries to pretend that she’s amused. It’s the same laugh she did at the mall pet store when Belly announced to the lady who was holding a puppy for kids to pet, “PUPPIES CRAP IN THE HOUSE, RIGHT, MOM?” Belly had heard Mom tell that to India when India wanted to get a new puppy the same week we got new carpet in the living room.
    Officer Renny