Free Beyond Summer by Lisa Wingate Page B

you’re out blowing money again. . . .
    “You never get quiet.”
    “Thanks a lot.” If she could of heard the inside of my head, she wouldn’t’ve thought it was quiet . The panic voice was so loud in there, I couldn’t hear myself think. Mama was gonna have a fit about the burglar bars on the windows and the front door. She’d think we’d bought into the worst neighborhood ever. She’d never believe that just a few blocks away, upscale new condos were going in, and in a year or two, these neighborhoods would be the place to be for people who didn’t want a long commute into Dallas. “Listen, whenever you talk to Jace again, don’t mention anything about the house, all right?”
    “All right.” Dell sounded suspicious. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t sound normal.”
    “I don’t feel so good this morning. Too much Chuck E. Cheese’s last night, I think.” I couldn’t exactly start telling friends about the pregnancy until I’d figured out a way to let Cody in on it. Actually, I didn’t want to tell anybody. The picture of that news spreading through the family made the house situation seem like a little side story. News flash, Shasta’s pregnant again. It’s the end of the world!
    Dell chuckled. “Well, listen, I’d better go. I have to get to rehearsal.” I pictured her skipping off to Juilliard with her violin in hand, sunlight bouncing off her dark hair and slipping around her skinny body in the cute latest-thing clothes her adopted parents could afford to buy for her, and I felt like a loser. A stupid, stretch-marked, tired loser trying to make something good out of a dumpy little house nobody would be impressed with anyway. They’d all think buying this house was one more dumb move in a line of dumb moves. Typical Shasta stuff.
    I said good-bye to Dell and headed inside, but the house didn’t feel the same. I saw all the things wrong with it again, and even though I was unpacking boxes as fast as I could and carrying the trash out to the curb, I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was in the middle of a mess, and I always would be.
    No one in my family would ever understand the house, or the pregnancy. They’d never get it that, now that we had health insurance, Cody had his mind set on a vasectomy, and even though Benjamin and Tyler were perfect, I didn’t want to go through the rest of my life without a baby girl. I wanted a daughter, and Cody wouldn’t even talk about it, and I had to do something before it was too late.
    “It’ll be all right,” I whispered, cupping my hands around the baby that wasn’t even big enough to see yet, though I could picture her already. “We’ll figure it out.”
    By the time the boys woke up, I was so busy unpacking, I pretty much forgot to worry about the house. There was a mountain of empty boxes and paper in the living room, and the place looked like a tornado’d blown through. Once the boys found the mess, they went wild, tearing around, climbing in and out of boxes, shredding up paper and throwing it at each other. For a while, I just sank down in a chair and let them do it. My clothes were plastered to my skin with sweat, and my body felt like one of those pieces of deer meat Nana Jo used to beat to death with her spiky metal meat-tenderizing hammer.
    My eyes tugged closed as Benji stuck his brother in a box and shut the lid. “Don’t hurt him.” Just about the time I got the words out, Benji tipped the box over and Tyler hit his head, and the game went from fun to dangerous. “All right, you guys, quit.” I checked the clock, hoping that by some miracle it would be time for Cody to come home, and he could play with the boys. But, of course, it was only three in the afternoon, which meant we had hours to go yet before Cody, or our pickup truck, got back.
    Pulling myself out of the chair, I groaned and whimpered, rescued Tyler from the box, then stopped him from kicking his brother. “All right, we don’t kick,” I