Free Momfriends by Ariella Papa

already stained with milk, and the silky short short bottoms from some Victoria Secret’s pajamas set. These are pulled low because they no longer fit and I wanted to cover up my giant ass before I answered the door. I look down and realize my belly is exposed. I pull the shirt over my flab. I feel naked. I should have been wearing more around the house, but lately I’ve been so hot. Motherhood turned my internal thermostat way up. And plus my breasts are always out. I considered going topless, but the occasional glimpses of my saggy stretched out belly were way too much for me. Now these two women are getting the whole gross show. It’s a sad sight. They might as well cart me away somewhere, preferably somewhere with a bed. Oh, it will be good to lie down. I have been sleeping in the chaise lounge a lot, when I sleep, because Abe is doing this thing where he only sleeps upright, in my arms. My limbs and back are stiff. Oh, sweet sleep, how I miss you.
    I feel a sob rise in my throat. They know I am going to cry. It will make me seem more suspect.
    “With a new baby . . . the beginning is super tough, we only wanted to see if we could help,” Full Breasts says. She has this way of speaking that was quiet and deliberate and when you speak to her, she cocks her head to the left, as if she is really listening. She reaches out and squeezes my shoulder, grazing her other breast. BobCut Neighbor squints at me and shifts.
    “It sounded like things might be getting a little . . . hard,” she says.
    “Well, it wasn’t the baby I was yelling at. It was Tiny Mouse,” I say. They are never going to believe me. How well can I sleep in the jail cell? Do they at least give you airplane-quality pillows at Rikers? Ugh. Too much Law & Order.
    “You have a mouse,” Bob says, pulling her kids a little closer. Full lets my shoulder go and cocks her head again, as if waiting for me to talk so she can listen.
    “No, it’s my cat,” I say.
    “You named your cat Tiny Mouse?” Bob asks pulling her kids even closer. Now I have to justify my pet’s name to these complete strangers? I look at Full, and she is smiling. She has a sweet, open smile. I am seduced for a minute into thinking I can lay my head right down in her voluptuous bosom and everything will be okay. Then I realize that her sweet open smile is the same kind you might give to a crazy person to talk them off the ledge. That doesn’t feel so far from who I am.
    “Yes, because when he was a kitten he looked like a tiny mouse. You know, I’m freezing,” I lie, turning and going back into my apartment. If I had a screen door I would let it slam in their faces, but instead they stand in the doorway. I find one of Steve’s track jackets and throw it on. I turn back to them, at least feeling a little protected.
    “Can we come in?” Bob asks at last.
    I shrug. Is this really happening? Part of me wants to be left alone, but another part is happy to have some adult-human contact. Seeing actual women, not my mother-in-law and not the ones on TV, makes me feel tethered to reality. I feel as if I’ve been walking through a dream and seeing these two in the live flesh makes things a little more real.
    They take my shrug as a yes and barrel in. Tiny Mouse has retreated under a piece of furniture somewhere leaving me holding the bag. Immediately, the boy and girl run in and jump on the ottoman, bouncing onto the couch. They crouch down and inspect the floor mat that we have for Abe. Then they yank his swing back and forth. Their mother is not pleased. She lets out an exasperated sigh. It is the most still I have ever seen her.
    “Careful, Jacob,” Bob says. “Emily, be careful.”
    I plop onto the love seat and pull my hair out of the elastic, but then I change my mind and pull it all back. I get a whiff of myself in the process. I smell like spit-up and body odor. Fabulous. In his nursery, Abe’s cries are getting louder.
    “Do you want to get the baby?” Full asks.
    I look