Free The Weight of Love by Jolene Betty Perry

I still have to pee.

     
     
    11
    JAYCEE
     
    “What’s with all the cars?” I ask as Bridger and I step into the Allen’s house.
    “The missionaries are here doing their Christmas calls.” Sharon smiles.
    “Right.” They get two phone calls home a year. It helps keep them focused on something other than missing home…aside from around those two calls a year. I hand up the chocolate cake Bridger and I baked after opening presents this morning. The rest of our Christmas day will be spent with the Allen’s. Kyla and Tom are in Utah house-shopping and visiting his family. It makes sense. I’m her only family here, and she knows I have the Allen’s. Still I miss her.
    Bridger finds a chair with his Nintendo, and I’m almost sorry I got it for him. It might just add to the list of things I need to limit his time on.
    Just as promised, the living room is filled with guys with nametags. I scan quickly for Worthen. He’s not here. I panic when I realize he might have been transferred, then I realize he’s probably on the phone. And then I further realize that I shouldn’t panic over the transfer of a missionary.
    “I’ll be right back.” I run to the restroom. Mayb e some cold water on my face will pull my brain back to where it should be.
    As soon as I step into the hallway bath, Elder Worthen’s voice travels through the wall.
    As much as I know I should turn around and walk back out, I don’t. I sit on the edge of the tub and listen.
    “…great to hear your voice too… Gage! Wow, man, you sound even older than last time we talked… Yeah, just a few more months left… I’ll be home in time to play ball with you this summer… You’re thinking of doing a mission? That’s awesome!”
    His voice is deep and full of love and things it should be on a phone call home. It’s silent for a moment.
    “… Y eah, Mom, it’s still there, but I’m okay…” His voice drops.
    Wait, what did I miss? Is something wrong?
    “… just being careful, or as careful as I can be. It shouldn’t be a big deal, right…? Only like four more months. I can do four more months, no matter who’s distracting me…” He chuckles.
    Is he having a problem with a companion or something?
    “… I will say that this is the first time that I’ve been at a point where I really want to come home…”
    I feel the half-sadness of his comment in my chest. He still sounds determined. Guess it’s something they all do. At least they’re not off fighting a war. Well, not a physical one, anyway. I suddenly feel like a stalker or something for eavesdropping. I stand up and run the cold water just long enough to splash some on my cheeks then stare at myself in the mirror for a moment. Focus, Jaycee.
    I stare at my feet, pull open the bathroom door and run into someone on my way out.
    “Sorry.” I look up into Elder Worthen’s blue eyes and my breath catches. Something in me says move , but I can’t even look away.
    “I can think of worse things.” He smiles, but it’s a small, soft smile, not the wide one I normally see from him.
    I don’t even realize his hands are on my shoulders until they slide off, leaving a wave of warmth behind. And still I can’t say anything, and still I can’t move.
    “You done yet?” Someone yells from the front.
    He jumps, I jump, and he moves quickly away from me. What does that mean? Nothing? Something? Did his hands end up on me on purpose? Or because he was trying not to be run over? It’s the first time I’ve allowed myself the thought that he might feel some of what I do. How huge would that be?
    “You okay, Jaycee?” Paul puts his arm around me.
    I’m standing still in the hallway, alone. “Uh… yeah.” I nod. “I’m okay.” But not okay. What I wouldn’t do right now to be in a position where I could talk with Worthen, like normal people, just for a few minutes.
    I rest my arm across Paul’s back and he pulls me next to him like he always has as we walk into the living