Free Calendar Girl by Sommer Marsden

enunciation.
    Crap.
    ‘Merritt?’ Shane said.
    ‘Yeah, see about that. That’s a friend. And the other friend, Jeffrey, the impersonator you saw?’
    He nodded, smiling. Ready to understand. What a good guy. ‘Yeah, I remember.’
    ‘Well, he’s taking care of our friend until his ride comes and–’
    ‘Whodat here hitting on my wa-hife?’ Drake demanded. He hiccupped mid wife but other than that, clear as a bell. He appeared in the doorway, tall, dark and handsome with Jeffrey, who was not as tall or broad as Drake, hanging from his shoulders like a spider monkey.
    ‘Wife?’ Shane asked.
    ‘Former wife,’ I tried.
    ‘Love of ma lah-hife,’ Drake chimed in, hiccupping again.
    ‘Dear holy Jesus,’ Jeffrey said.
    ‘What’s with you guys and Jesus?’ Shane asked.
    I rolled my eyes and then surprised myself by crying. Hard. Three men started toward me and I threw up my hands like someone was pointing a gun at me and had yelled Freeze! ‘Do not. Touch. Me.’ I stomped into the bathroom to try and do damage control on my eye makeup. Every time I got myself under control, I started to sniffle and leak again. I heard Drake say, ‘Whazz all this bis-uh-ness about Jesus?’
    Jeffrey murmured something and though I strained I heard not a word from Shane. Then someone knocked, very softly but very firmly. ‘Yes?’
    ‘Can I come in?’
    Shane of all people. I had been expecting a big black drag queen with wine coloured lip-gloss and purple fingernails. ‘Sure.’
    He came in, smiling. His green eyes so bright and clear they could have been stained glass. Gorgeous. ‘Shit, I’m really, really sorry about this. I didn’t know you’d be walking into a three ring circus. I think it seals the whole crazy woman persona you probably had in your head.’ I wiped my nose and checked my face. Red nose like Rudolph, red cheeks, red eyes. Basically when I cry I start to resemble a cherry tomato. Or a lifelong drunkard.
    ‘Crazy woman?’ He pushed a piece of hair off my shoulder and smiled. The smile went right to my crotch. Yowza, he truly was super hot up close and personal.
    ‘Yeah, the whole Italian Surfer binge and the carpenter thing. The queen in my living room who was riding my giant bi-ex-husband.’
    ‘Actually, I think you’re pretty neat,’ he said. And he really did say neat.
    ‘You do?’
    He’d stepped closer and I could feel the very mellow but big presence of him. Like a wall of warm summer air pressed up against my personal space. ‘I do. And I think you just need a bit of a stress relief before we go out.’ He leaned in and kissed me. So, so softly it was almost like I had imagined it, but when the tip of his tongue brushed the tip of mine for just a second, I knew it was real.
    ‘I seem stressed?’ I managed.
    ‘Oh ... just a bit,’ he chuckled. ‘And if it’s any consolation, I’d be pretty stressed out too. I was, actually.’
    He’d backed me into a corner and now he kissed me for real. ‘You were?’ I asked.
    ‘Wouldn’t you be? If you walked into that?’
    My shoulder blades nestled between wall and the towel bar and I gave and oomph! His lips smothered the small sound and his hands slipped along the flat of my belly, fingers tickling and feeling along. Just soft enough to turn my insides hot and wet, but not so soft as to trigger my tickle gene and have me jumping like a fish on a hook. ‘I would have run if I’d walked into that,’ I confessed,
    ‘I thought about it,’ Shane said against my throat. ‘But then you started to cry and I have a soft spot for beautiful, nice, funny women who cry. Don’t cry, Merritt.’
    ‘I’ll try,’ I said and his fingertips dipped under the waist band of my jeans. My hips wanted to shoot forward and beg him to touch me, lick me, take me. But I held onto my composure and kept kissing that warm sweet mouth of his.
    ‘Can I help you? Can I give you a bit of stress relief?’ he asked and there was a smile in his voice that I could