Free The Average American Marriage by Chad Kultgen

e-mail then?”
    She says, “To get rid of him.”
    I say, “He was kind of a douche, wasn’t he?”
    She says, “All guys my age are. They’re just stupid little boys.”
    An irrational wave of images of Holly and me dating floods my head. I conjure scenarios in which she agrees to be my secret mistress. I imagine Alyna and my kids dying in a car crash and Holly being there to console me and eventually becoming my much younger wife. I feel immediately guilty about actually imagining my children dying.
    I say, “You don’t date guys your own age?”
    She says, “I have, but I think I’m ready for a guy who’s like a little older, you know? Like mature and everything.”
    I can’t help myself. I say, “How much older are you talking about?”
    She smiles and says, “I don’t know, maybe like around however old you are.”
    I wonder if she can possibly imagine how hard I’m fucking her in the fantasy I’ve conjured of me ripping her skirt off and bending her over the table in the kitchen. I wonder if she knows that me thinking about her ass and pussy and tits is what has rendered me incapable of speech. I wonder if she knows exactly how to play me and that’s what she gets off on. I wonder if she has no intention of dating a guy my age, of dating me. I wonder if the thought of us fucking repulses her. I don’t care. It doesn’t repulse me.
    She says, “Well, I should probably go file some things or something. I’ve been in here a while.”
    I say, “Yeah,” and watch her perfect ass bounce out of the kitchen. I sip my tea and wish I was young but hope she wasn’t just fucking with me, because I am not young. I am mature.

some chapter
    Caught with the Babysitter
    A lyna and the kids are in the backyard. She has filled up the little plastic swimming pool and they’re fucking around, splashing each other and screaming. The kids like to do this on the weekends and it gives me thirty minutes to an hour of time when I don’t have to deal with them. On this particular day, I decide to use my weekly allotment of free time to sneak into the office and jerk off. I haven’t been able to jerk off during the middle of the day in a while, which seems like a special treat to me, and I also know that tonight I’ll have to rub Alyna’s back until she goes to sleep, and I won’t want to manifest the effort necessary for me to leave our bed and sneak into the office to jerk off. So this is likely the only time in the next twenty-four hours I’ll have free to blow a load.
    I go into the office and drop the blinds that look out into the backyard. I can still kind of hear Alyna and the kids, which makes it a little weird, but I have no choice. I block them out and log in to NudeVista.com. I’m not in the mood for anything in particular, so I just click on the first thumbnail that looks good. It looks like a couple seducing a babysitter. Ever since we’ve had children, babysitter porn has become far more appealing to me than it ever was before.
    I press PLAY on the clip and scroll through until I get to a part in which the young babysitter is riding the guy’s dick while the wife, who’s the same age as the guy, alternately licks his balls and the babysitter’s asshole. I unbutton my pants, pull my underwear down a little bit, and start jerking off in my office chair. It takes me about forty-five seconds to get close to blowing a load, and then I hear from a few feet behind me, “What are you doing?”
    A bunch of things happen at the same time that I have no control over. I just go into abort mode. I reflexively pull my underwear back over my dick, then close the window I had the porn playing in, then reset the browser history, then turn around to see Alyna with a disgusted look on her face and say, “Nothing, just some work stuff.”
    She says, “You were