Free Florence of Arabia by Christopher Buckley Page A

am unable to wrap my tongue around all those pretty Tuscan vowels—you have given me a nice and. I must say, original present. I could show you an entire room filled with gifts I have received of the most appalling taste. The worst was a Monopoly game board done in twenty-four-karat gold, inlaid with rubies and diamonds and all manner of precious stones, with the little hotels and houses made of platinum, if you please . What did they expect me to do, melt it down? I know Arabs enjoy a reputation for vulgarity, but really. By the way. your Arabic i s excellent. You are, I take it, with the government? Surely. In some capacity? CIA? It would be audacious of them to send a woman. Would they have such imagination? 1 think not. In the past, when your country has wanted something—and my dear, they always want something—the gifts have been... I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but dear, dear, dear . The sort of thing that God—praise be upon H is name—would buy if he shopped at Wal-Mart. We are about to have a Wal-Mart here. Such excitement. Once I was offered a briefcase full of cash. Cash!" He giggled, waving a hand about the room, which looked as though everything in it had b een dipped in gold, twice. "Do I look as though I need cash? - So"—his eyes narrowed a bit, showing Florence a glimpse of the hard-eyed coastal trailer of yore—"who are you, lovely lady? And without seeming rude, what do you want?"
    This bluntness was un-Arabic. Had she put a foot wrong?
    "Your Majesty favors me with his directness. I have come to ask your permission to approach the She ika Laila with a business proposition."
    The emir grimaced. H is face, a caramel pudding in repose, suddenly looked quite fierce. "Business proposal? The sheika? You've not come to ask her to endorse some product?"
    "No, sootnoow el-amir."
    "A cause? A children's disease? Let me guess. Land mines . All the beautiful women, they are against land m ines. We don't have any here. I am happy to say. Tho ugh there have been times when I confess I would gladly plant them like flowers along my borders. But the gazelles might step on them. And we would rather shoot the gazelles, would we not? From our lovely new helicopter. So generous. Indeed, I wonder, what have we done to merit such ... generosity?"
    "1 am pleased that His Majesty is pleased. But no. I do not seek the sheika's endorsement on behalf of any skin cream or disease or against land mines. We would like to start a satellite television station here in Matar, and have her be in charge of it."
    The emir stared. "You do take us by surprise. I thought this was going to be about oil. It usually is, one way or the other. Last week some Americans were here from Texas. So often they are from Texas, or Oklahoma. One yearns to meet Americans from other parts of the country. Where are you from?"
    "A part with trees, Majesty."
    "1 low very lucky for vou. Te levision, you say. The sheika. I hardly think—"
    "With H is Majesty's permission, I would show him some numbers."
    "No, no. The emir does not deal with numbers. There are ministers for that, for every kind of number."
    "They are interesting numbers, lord. They suggest that there are vast sums to be made. But I will take them to the ministers, as H is Majesty" commands."
    "How do y ou mean, 'vast - '.'' The desert is vast. The ocean is vast."
    "In the neighborhood of two billion dollars per year, my lord."
    "That's not half vast."
    Florence handed the emir the single sheet of paper she had prepared. "What sort of programming?" he asked.
    "The figures are based on targeting a female audience, my lord." The emir screwed up his face. "Female?"
    "They are the ones who do the shopping. Who make the purchases."
    "I suppose. Who has the t ime b ut the women. But there are already two Arabic channels, Al Jazeera and Al Arabiya. I will say, in case you are with the CIA, that I am not in sympathy with either of t heir political points of view. Every time I turn them on, there is