Free Is He a Girl? by Louis Sachar

1

A Weird Girl
    Casey Happleton said, “If you kiss yourself on the elbow, you’ll turn into a girl.”
    Marvin Redpost looked at her.
    They sat next to each other in Mrs. North’s class.
    Casey had a ponytail that stuck out of the side of her head, instead of the back.
    “It’s true,” said Casey. “If a boy kisses his elbow, he’ll turn into a girl. And if a girl kisses her elbow, she’ll turn into a boy.”
    “Can you change back?” asked Marvin.
    “Sure,” said Casey. “You just have to kiss your elbow again.”
    Marvin thought about it. But he wasn’t about to try.
    At least not in front of Casey.
    “Does it matter which elbow you kiss?” he asked.
    “Either one,” said Casey. “But it has to be on the outside, where it’s hard. Not the soft part on the inside.”
    “Have you ever kissed your elbow?” Marvin asked her.
    “No!” she exclaimed. “What do you think I am—some kind of weirdo?”
    Marvin shrugged. He did think Casey Happleton was weird.
    “Who’s jabbering?” asked Mrs. North. “Marvin and Casey?”
    Marvin turned red. Everyone was looking at him and Casey. He hoped no one thought he liked her.
    He folded his arms on his desk, and lay his head on top of them.
    He looked at his elbow.
    First of all, he didn’t believe he’d really turn into a girl.
    Second of all, he didn’t know if his mouth could even reach his elbow.
    He slowly moved his mouth toward his elbow. He wasn’t going to kiss it. He just wanted to see if his mouth would reach.
    It didn’t.

    He tried a different way. He sat up straight. Then he reached behind himself, as if to scratch his back.
    He stretched out his lips.
    “Oh my gosh!” said Casey. She bit her finger.
    “What?” Marvin demanded.
    “I saw you!” said Casey. “You were trying to kiss your elbow.”
    “I was not,” said Marvin. “I was scratching my back.”
    “You want to be a girl!” said Casey.
    “I had an itch,” said Marvin.
    “You’re so weird,” said Casey.
    “You’re the one who’s weird,” said Marvin. “You think everyone who scratches his back is really trying to kiss his elbow.”
    “Not everyone,” said Casey. “Just you.”
    “Marvin! Casey!” said Mrs. North. “Do I have to separate you two?”
    “Oooh, Marvin and Casey!” said Judy.
    The other kids laughed.
    Marvin buried his head under his arms.
    She’s the one who’s weird
, he thought.
I would never try to turn into a girl right in the middle of class! I wouldn’t change into a girl anyway. But if I did, I wouldn’t do it in school!
    “Casey,” Melanie said, loud enough for Marvin to hear. “I think Marvin likes you.”
    Casey looked at Marvin. “Oh my gosh,” she said. She bit her finger.
    That was another reason Marvin thought Casey was weird. She always said “Oh my gosh” and bit her finger. And her sideways ponytail was weird, too!
    The bell rang. He went outside to recess.
    “What were you and Casey talking about?” asked Stuart. Stuart Albright was Marvin’s best friend.
    “Nothing,” said Marvin. “She’s so weird.”
    “You don’t
like
her, do you?” asked Nick. Nick Tuffle was also Marvin’s best friend.
    “No way!” said Marvin. “You want to hear what she said?”
    “What?” asked his two best friends.
    “It’s so weird,” said Marvin. “She said—” He stopped. “She said she talks to dogs and cats!”
    Nick and Stuart laughed.
    “How weird!” said Stuart.
    “She’s so weird,” said Nick.
    They got in line to play wall-ball.
    Marvin didn’t know why he had lied to his two best friends.

2

Bugged
    Marvin Redpost lived in a two-story gray house. There was a fence around the house. The fence was all white except for one red post next to the gate.
    Marvin tapped the red post as he walked through the gate.
    He stopped outside the front door. He tried kissing his elbow again.
    “What are you doing, Mar?” asked Jacob, coming home behind him.
    Jacob was Marvin’s older brother.
    Marvin froze.