Free Not Meant To Be Broken by Cora Reilly Page B

home. I've never looked into someone's eyes and felt butterflies in my stomach. I've never made love to someone and I won't – ever. I feel like I've come to an impasse, like my future is a blind alley. I will never know how it feels to lie in someone's arms, to be in love, to kiss someone. Never.” My voice broke and I had to turn my back to Reagan or she would have seen the tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt pathetic and guilty for burdening Reagan with my problems. I'd buried my fears, worries and longings for so long but with my new life they'd resurfaced and I wasn't able to push them away.
    I wanted to live a normal life. I wanted to experience love and trust. I wanted happiness. I wanted them so desperately and knowing that I could never have them killed me.
    Reagan touched my shoulder, turning me toward her. “Amber, whatever happened doesn’t define who you are forever. You are in control of your life and you can be happy and in love, if you only give life a chance.” Without warning she wrapped her arms around me. I froze at first but then I melted into her touch. I hugged her back and buried my face in her shoulder and then I wasn't able to stop the sobs. Reagan's arms around me tightened and for the first time in years I found comfort in someone's touch. It was so overwhelming that all my walls seemed to tumble and I cried like I hadn't ever cried in front of someone. “I want to give life a chance, but I’m broken.” After a moment I pulled back, feeling embarrassed and guilty. “I'm sorry, Reagan. I didn't...”
    She shook her head, her expression determined. “No. Don’t apologize for your tears,” she said. “And you're wrong, Amber.”
    I was startled by her words.
    “You aren’t broken. You will experience love. I know you will. You've been strong enough to move in with Brian and Zach, and you will be strong enough to find your happiness.”
    The microwave beeped, glad for the distraction. I opened the door, took the popcorn out and turned to head back to the living room.
    “Wait,” Reagan said. She raised a tissue to my face and dried the remains of my tears. I did the same for her and after checking our reflection in the window, we returned into the living room. After our conversation, I actually felt better. Reagan met my eyes across the room before she sat down on Kevin's lap. I put the popcorn into a bowl on the table and sat down on the loveseat, my legs pulled against my chest. I rested my chin on my knees and focused on the TV. I felt eyes on me and tilted my head to the side to find Zach staring at me. He smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back.
     
    Zachary
    I buried my face into my pillow. I felt like shit – as if my body had been overrun by a truck repeatedly. For once this wasn't the effect of a night spent partying with the guys. My stomach constricted. With a hoarse groan I rolled over onto my back and stared at the white ceiling. The motion sent a new wave of sickness through my body. “Fuck.” My stomach’s contents wanted to see daylight and I'd be damned if I'd let that happen in my room. I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and my hand shot to my head when dizziness set in. “Fuck,” I groaned as I stumbled to my feet and out of my room. My vision turned blurry for a moment but I managed to find the bathroom. Once there, I emptied my stomach into the toilet bowl. The last time I’d hurled like that was in my freshman year at college after doing two kegstands in a row. A hang-over, that I could deal with, especially if it entailed a fucking great night of fun, but this shit? I couldn’t even remember the last time I had the flu.
    I dragged my sorry ass back to my room and flopped down on the bed, not bothering to cover myself with the blanket. I was drenched in sweat. The boxers and t-shirt stuck to my skin but I couldn't even bring myself to change clothes right now. A knock at the door caused me to lift my head a few inches, though I let it plop down