Free The Best You'll Ever Have by Valerie Frankel, Shannon Mullen Page B

independence. No one can live up to the pressure of completely satisfying the needs of another person. That’s unhealthy dependence. Who wants to be on the receiving or giving end of that?
    Masters and Johnson have noted that many women have their most intense orgasms when alone. I’ve heard similar claims at Safina Salons. Maybe that’s due to the lack of distractions, pressures, and worries that often accompany sex with a partner. Katisha, 31, a mother of one, told a Salon group, “I know when to go faster, or slower. I don’t have to hope he’ll listen to my breathing and I don’t have to worry about what he’s thinking. I’m the best I’ve ever had.”
    AN INTENSE ORGASM IS A GIFT TO GIVE YOURSELF THAT ALWAYS FITS, AND IT WILL CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK AS WELL AS YOUR LOOKS. Try it on. Here are a few things to keep in mind before going it alone:
Just as you allot time to do your nails, pluck your eyebrows, and apply makeup, you must give adequate time to a solo flight. It should be a relaxing sojourn. Joy can’t be rushed. As with everything else you do to take care of yourself, the benefits of a solo flight will show themselves in your appearance. You will look better, and you’ll feel fabulous.
Explore. Try lots of different tempos, fingers, strokes, vibrators, dildos, lubricants, etc. Switch between hands, go towards the clitoris, around it, the sides of it, try something inside while moving around the outside at the same time. Don’t just find something you like. Find everything you like! (Regarding lubricants and vibrators, see chapter 7 for useful dos and don’ts.)
Let your mind wander. Fantasies will come and go. Good. Don’t pressure yourself over what images or storylines are right. Daydreams really don’t have anything to do with real life so don’t judge yourself. If one image isn’t working, move on to something else.
Enjoy the journey. Like a long bath, a facial, or a massage, a solo flight is for relaxation and good mind/body maintenance. Relax and enjoy every second, and your body will follow. Let go of any goal. Orgasms come out of nowhere when you’re having fun (like all good things), but they can’t be forced. If you chase your orgasm, it will hide. They are stubborn like that.

    I don’t want anything for myself, I just want to make you happy.
    As recently as a 1983, 80 percent of surveyed women said that they didn’t feel cheated if they didn’t have an orgasm during sex because it was more important that their partners were pleased. (I bet that if you polled the men being referred to here, they would say that it’s important that both they and their partners have an orgasm. If only the woman had one, I bet 100 percent of the men would feel cheated.)
    This statistic is another indication that women aren’t comfortable talking about sex. Sure, we can talk about relationships until we’re blue in the face. But sex? We aren’t comfortable talking to our friends about it, and so we definitely aren’t comfortable talking to the men we’re involved with. The result of silence? Women decide to be selfless to avoid having to communicate. “I just want him to enjoy himself. I enjoy being with him. I don’t need to have an orgasm.” Noble? Admirable? I don’t think so. You’re not just cheating yourself, you’re lying to this guy you supposedly care about.
    Let’s set the record straight here: your orgasm matters. It matters just as much or more than his because it’s yours. I’ve heard women say that it’s sometimes fun to have sex even if they didn’t have an orgasm during it. That’s nice. It happens, certainly. But it’s still a letdown, isn’t it? There is nothing selfless about not having an orgasm. You don’t get extra points for denying yourself, and chances are, your guy feels lousy for being the only one who got off. In the movie, Sally tells Harry some women must have faked with him at some point. He doesn’t believe it. Sally shows how well she can fake and wins