Free A Cry For Hope by Beth Rinyu Page A

Hope.”
     
     

 
    The next morning, I took extra time to get myself ready as I meticulously blew dry my hair and applied my makeup. I gave myself one last look in the mirror and scolded myself for even caring. I was meeting Jamie for lunch. The man who had seen me at my worst. The man who held my hair back when I was throwing up for ten hours straight because of food poisoning. The man who was by my side during all twelve hours of excruciating labor. So why did I feel the need to look perfect for him today? Was it because I knew that there was someone else? Whatever it was, I was angry at myself for feeling as if I needed to impress my own husband. After I wiped the lipstick from my lips and threw my “perfect hair” into a messy bun, I walked into my bedroom, ignoring the skirt and shirt that I had laid out to wear. Instead, I slipped on my most favorite pair of worn out jeans, a white t-shirt, and my ballet flats. I looked in the full-length mirror and smiled. This was who I was and if Jamie couldn’t love me for that, maybe we didn’t really belong together after all.
    I grabbed a quick cup of coffee and the plate of mint brownies that my mom had made, and was on my way. I was surprised when I was pulling into the driveway in a little under two hours; normally, I never made it from my mom’s to home in less than two. Taking a deep breath, I got out of my car and walked up to the house. A smile stretched across my face when I saw the lilac bush that Jamie and Charlie had planted for me for Mother’s Day several years ago. It was in full bloom. I carefully broke off a branch and held it up to my nose, breathing in its sweet, intoxicating scent. I bit my lip and took a deep breath, staring at the front door while trying to gather up the courage to enter. My hands were shaking as I turned the key and slowly walked in.  This once familiar place now seemed so foreign as I stood in the foyer and looked around.
    As I walked into the living room, my eyes immediately focused on the portraits that lined the fireplace mantle. I must have looked at them a million times prior, but they all seemed brand new today. A photo of Jamie, Charlie, and I taken in the hospital right after Charlie was born. Charlie’s second grade school picture. Candid shots of Charlie and Jamie that I had taken, and at the center of them all was our wedding portrait. I picked it up and examined it closer. We were both so happy. All of our dreams were about to begin. We had no clue what life had in store for us and how much our love for each other would be tested. As I put the picture down, I looked around the living room and smiled. There were so many great memories right in this very room. Jamie and I getting into our playful argument every Christmas when we would try to get the gigantic tree that he and Charlie picked out on the stand. Charlie taking his first steps. Jamie and I making love on the hardwood floor in front of the fireplace. A deep sigh escaped my chest, knowing that I would never get those happy days back. That’s all they were now -- memories. Memories of a once happy life that was gone forever. I walked into the kitchen and placed the plateful of brownies on the counter. I closed my eyes. I missed this house so much; the way that it used to be when it was filled with happiness. Biting my lip and fighting the tears, I slowly opened my eyes, reminding myself of the reason that I was even here. I went into the hallway closet and retrieved my camera and equipment from the shelf. I quickly made my way to the front door and opened it, looking around one last time with a heaviness in my heart before closing the door behind me.
    I arrived at Jamie’s office fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. As I walked in, I was greeted by a receptionist that I had never seen before. She gave me a warm smile and I smiled back. “Hi, I’m Hope McAdams. I’m meeting my husband for lunch today.”
    “Oh, hi, I’m Mandy. It’s so nice to meet you. I