Free Class Is Not Dismissed! by Gitty Daneshvari

“And remember,only speak when spoken to, and always speak when spoken to! Heeerrrrre we go!”
    “From the great state of Rhode Island, we have Miss Lulu Punchalower,” Mrs. Wellington said with her strange game-show-host
     inflection.
    “And?”
    “And, Lulu, we would like to know, what’s the worst that could happen if you were trapped in a bathroom without any windows?”
    Lulu stared at Mrs. Wellington as small balls of spit exploded from her overly pink mouth. “Um, I guess I would yell and scream
     and bang on the door until someone heard me.”
    “That’s it?”
    “Well, I’d be freaking out too. My left eye would throb and my chest would tighten…”
    “But you wouldn’t suddenly be drenched in curdled milk?”
    “What? No!” Lulu quipped as a cascade of sour lumpy milk splashed down on her. “That smell,” Lulu said, gagging.
    Mrs. Wellington quickly hit an obnoxious buzzer.“Remember, contestant, only speak when spoken to, unless you want more milk. And now, on to contestant Theo Bartholomew, from
     the great city of New York!”
    Theo froze, unnerved by the sight and stench of Lulu.
    “So, Theo, we would like to know, what’s the worst that could happen if you didn’t spy on your brothers and sisters?”
    “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe injury, arrest, even death!” Theo theatrically shot back.
    “Yes, well, those things could happen even with you watching them. We want to know what’s the worst thing that could happen
     to
you
if you couldn’t watch them.”
    “Well, I would probably age at least two years in the course of one night, just from all my worrying.”
    “But you wouldn’t be pelted with moldy cheese?”
    Theo braced himself for the onslaught of moldy cheese but it didn’t come, much to Lulu’s annoyance. The girl was covered in
     two-week-old milk and was adamant that the others suffer similar fates.
    “No, I don’t think that seems very likely, unless we were at an old-cheese warehouse,” Theo said calmly.
    “And what about being splattered in fish oil?”
    As Theo’s lips formed a response, thick and smelly oil washed over him.
    “But I’m a vegetarian!” Theo protested as Mrs. Wellington turned to Madeleine.
    “And now, from all the way across the pond, Madeleine Masterson, we would like to know what’s the worst that could happen
     if a spider sat next to you on a bench?”
    “Well, I would grow terribly tense and nauseous, and then my skin would crawl as I fought the urge to vomit.”
    “But even if you did in fact vomit, you wouldn’t be doused in honey and feathers?” Mrs. Wellington asked as a crude mix of
     honey and chicken feathers covered the young girl.
    Garrison and Hyacinth, both tense with anticipation, surveyed the messy and smelly fates of their peers.
    “Hyacinth, the youngest member of the group, from downtown Kansas City, we would like to know, what’s the worst that could
     happen if you were left alone?”
    “Well, I would cry and feel really scared and disoriented.”
    “But you wouldn’t be soaked in day-old bathwater, would you?”
    Hyacinth, with Celery on her shoulder, closed her eyes as the brown water cascaded over her small body.
    After Garrison was creamed by a puree of moldy peaches, the filthy, sticky, stinky, moldy fivesome, all of whom had indeed
     experienced the worst that could happen to them, were hosed down outside and sent for showers.



CHAPTER 10
EVERYONE’S AFRAID OF SOMETHING:
Somniphobia is the fear of sleep.

    D inner was an awfully mild-mannered affair compared to lunch. There was no plate smashing or messages from Celery. The long
     and arduous day had depleted everyone both mentally and physically, resulting in little to no conversation at dinner. And
     when Hyacinth requested that Mrs. Wellington force Madeleine and Lulu to let her sleep in their room, the old woman merely
     shrugged. Apparently she too was more than a tad exhausted.
    Garrison, Theo, and a pajama-clad Macaroni fell fast asleep within