Free The Everything Orgasm Book by Amy Cooper

painful memories from your sexual past. They can help you get to a place where your past no longer negatively affects your enjoyment of your erotic self.
    Negative Messages Pertaining to Sex
    From the time you were young, you received messages about sexuality. Unfortunately, many of them were probably negative. It could be that sex was simply never discussed, implying that sex is not something to be talked about. Or perhaps you were told not to touch yourself down there. Most children are raised to believe that sex is dirty and that their genitals are something to avoid. Some are even taught that masturbation is a sin.
    As you got older, you were probably exposed to many judgments about specific sexual behaviors. Fear is the root of most of these judgments. The people espousing such negative messages are usually afraid of unbridled sexuality. They may even be afraid of their own sexuality. Thus they seek to repress everyone's sexuality as a way to try to have mastery over their own. If any judgments from others are affecting your enjoyment of your body, perhaps it makes sense to question the motivations of the people who have offered those judgments.
    Feeling Undesirable
    You may suffer from low sexual self-esteem and feel undesirable. This can greatly affect your sexual self-acceptance. If you can't believe that someone could find you sexually attractive, then you may not accept your sexual urges or feelings, because you are afraid that you will never be able to satisfy them. You may need to do some personal growth work, perhaps with the help of a therapist, in order to begin to increase your sense of desirability and accept your erotic feelings.
    Touch Deprived
    If you did not receive much touch or affection as a child, you may later feel very uncomfortable with any kind of touch, including sexual affection. Or you may be comfortable with sex but uncomfortable with lots of touch during foreplay. All humans need physical touch to feel safe and connected. People who spurn affection leave this need tragically unmet in themselves. If you did not get much or any touch, you could benefit from doing some healing work in this area. Body-oriented psychotherapy and massage are both good ways to begin to address this issue.
    Fear of Sexual Urges, Feelings, and Desires
    Sexual urges and feelings are some of the most powerful feelings we can experience as human beings. They can be scary. They are a force to be reckoned with. You may be afraid that you will not be able to control your urges. Or you may be afraid of your desires simply because you do not understand them. Whichever the case, take a close look at the underbelly of your desires. Face the fears directly. Often by looking more closely, with self-reflection or research, you can alleviate your fears. Talking with a close friend, a clinical sexologist, or a sex therapist is a good way to get some support.
    Fact
    The attachment theory postulates that infants and young children need to be held and touched when distressed in order for them to learn how to soothe and calm their own nervous systems. Research in the fields of neuroscience and psychology are finding a significant link between emotional needs getting met in the first years of life and healthy adult relationships.
Your Arousal Map
    Who are you sexually? Your arousal map is the constellation of the things that turn you on. It contains all the fantasies and activities you find sexually arousing. Following this map can lead you to orgasm. Your arousal map is unique. You come into life with a particular genetic blueprint. You are raised by a particular family. You are exposed to particular attitudes, habits, and values in a specific community full of its own rules and expected behaviors. As you grow, you have unique experiences and you try to make sense of it all. You start to define your own identity, which may or may not be aligned with your family and community.
    Part of your personal identity is your sexual identity, your