Free A Little Bit of Us by A. E. Murphy Page A

evening.”
     
         Then I vanished inside before he could stop me and fifteen minutes later Paul showed up. I grabbed him instantly and pulled him to me, desperate to get the taste of the man who I was going to spend an eternity with off my lips. Paul as usual returned my kiss with as much fervor if not more than myself. After a minute or two we stopped and stared at each other breathing heav ily, then that familiar smile stretched across his face. He didn’t hold my hand on the way to the car, I didn’t like that, and he didn’t touch me at all outside of sex unless I instigated it.
         We couldn’t stay at mine due to my dad being ill and sleeping, plus having sex under the same roof as your parent… just weird. When we got to Paul’s place we burst through the door and soon I had him pressed up against the wall whilst I ripped his blue top from his body and tossed it behind me. I hopped on one foot, kicking my shoe off as he untied his laces. As soon as we were both bare footed we slammed back into each other, tugging and stepping out of clothes, leaving a trail of metaphorical breadcrumbs to his bedroom where we fell onto the unmade bed.
         Paul wasn’t huge or anything, he was average size but he knew how to use it, that and his magic tongue. We fucked, pure and simple and what an amazing fuck it was. Sweaty body on sweaty body. Clashing, slamming, moaning, crying out, grabbing, the entire time my eyes were shut tight.
         “Stay with me,” I remember him asking as he had so many times before. The worst part is I never even once felt tempted. Not like I had with James when he asked. Of course I cared about Paul but not enough to make him happy like that. There are lines you don’t cross in arrangements like that. “Please.” He reached from the bed where he lay on his side breathing heavy, his head propped up on his arm. I’d gathered my clothes at this point and was in the process of zipping up my dress.
         If I’d been a caring person I’d have noticed the look he was giving me was one of restraint and hurt. Like he was ready to jump up and pin me to the bed. Unfortunately I was too oblivious to those kinds of feelings to recognize them. If I had I could have saved myself and James a lot of heartache by ending it then.
         Now to the bad part of this night, the next part I dreamt about. We drove home and he leaned over the console to kiss me. It was then he lay his hand over mine and found the rock sitting there. He suddenly went stiff, his lips lingering on mine. When he pulled back and looked at my hand, clearly my left hand he gulped and then looked back up at me.
         “What the fuck is this?” his voice was lower than a whisper, as if he was talking through an exhale. “You’re engaged?”
         I nod, “Yeah but I’m free until the wedding.”
         “To who?” he said with another gulp, his hands fisted on the steering wheel. All things I didn’t notice as something to acknowledge with any more than a passing glance, at the time I genuinely thought he wasn’t bothered, just annoyed our time was coming to an end. “To James,” I responded around a yawn. “I’m exhausted. I should go in.”
         He didn’t push, didn’t say anything. One thing I did notice as I was getting out of the car was the tear that trickled down his cheek and fell from his chin. I excused it as h is hay fever playing up, he used to get really bad hay fever. Deep down I think I knew, I think I just didn’t want to address it, I didn’t want our casual times to end, because I was selfish. Kind of like the past few days at Jacob’s with James, I buried it all under a barrier of every kind of solid material known to man and left it there until now. Most of the time I don’t realize I’m doing it.
     
         Ok, enough of memory lane, I should really move from bed. I need to jog but I don’t know if that’s allowed, plus I’m too tired in all