Free A Little Bit of Us by A. E. Murphy Page B

honesty. Instead I climb into the shower and stand under the red hot spray for as long as necessary. When I’m out I spend extra time on my hair and wear a tunic style black dress with nude stockings and black pumps. I know you aren’t supposed to wear heels in pregnancy, James kindly informed me yesterday. Totally sucks but it’ll be nice to have an excuse to give my feet a rest for a while.
         When I’m finished I fill my bag with essentials for work and step out of my room. Each step brings me closer to the noises coming from the kitchen. I know its James, that’s what makes it worse. Is it wrong that I really don’t know how to react?
         “I was just making you breakfast,” he says as I step in. His eyes slowly peruse me from head to toe and back up, he gulps. I do the same with him, he’s casual in jeans and a white button up. Hot with a capital H. “Hungry?” I look at the cereal bowl and smirk, it’s one of three things that James can make successfully.
         Another awkward silence follows, I slide onto a stool at the breakfast bar and fill my mouth. Easier than talking right now. All that can be heard is our spoons against the bowls, the occasional slurp followed by a crunch and another and another. He opens his mouth after swallowing, decides to not say anything and refills his mouth instead. I look at everything but at him. We have refrigerator magnets, I didn’t know this, cute little silver spirals and stars that are holding up a picture Amelia clearly painted of a… is that an owl? On further inspection I see the large disfigured script of two separate words that I’m sure reads ‘Uncle James’… Ha! There’s also a photo of me and James in bed, only my eyes are visible over the edge of the blanket. My head is resting under James’s chin, he’s sleeping. I vaguely remember taking this picture a while ago on his phone. When did he print it off?
         “Do you want to ride to work together?” he asks suddenly, making me jump a little. I swallow my mouthful and shake my head, “No, I’ve got a driver coming. I’m heading up to my dad’s grave first.”
         “I can take you.” A frown forms on his face, he’s preparing himself for my rejection.
         He’s right to prepare, “Not today.”
         He doesn’t push it, instead he comes around the breakfast bar and kisses my forehead before taking my bowl to the dishwasher. I head to the door with him by my side. “My car is probably waiting.”
         “ Of course.” He leans forward, I give him the cheek. “I’ll see you later.”
         “I’m going to Marie’s after work so I doubt I will be home until late.”
         I leave without waiting for an answer. If I think this has been hard I can only imagine how it’s going to be later in the office .
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

Chapter Seven
     
         The cemetery is completely deserted and completely fucking cold. Not in LA anymore and winter is brewing. I wrap my jacket around myself wishing I’d worn pants instead of my flimsy dress. The grass is damp with dew, I can feel it on my knees and shins after plonking myself atop of his grave none too gracefully.
         “I’m sorry I’m not going to be there to see you have kids,” he mumbles and kisses the top of my head. “I’m so sorry princess.”
        His words swim through my mind and I can hear his voice as if he’s right beside me. I’m overcome with emotion. “I’m sorry too dad, I know you wanted a boy but you got me. Now I have a boy.” I let out a deep breath. I can do this. “What if I screw up? Like drop him or something. I wish I asked you, what I was like as a baby, I wish we spoke about that, maybe I wouldn’t be so freaked out about this. I remember you used to sing to me almost every night and if you didn’t sing you’d read.” Clearing of the throat and swallowing the lump threatening to rise and form into tears.