Free Wrong Kind of Love by Amanda Heath Page A

love how you ran over there defending my honor.” He chuckles when I cringe again. Then his face turns serious. “I’m surprised you didn’t freak out. I’m actually really happy you didn’t freak out.”
    “I didn’t have time to freak out. I was so surprised he was gay. It really thr ew me off.” I shake my head. I have nothing against gay people. Gay guys just make me uneasy. And it’s not because of what you think. They can trigger bad memories that make me do stupid shit.
    “I’m really proud of you. You even shook his hand. Maybe you are finally getting over what happened. I know mom would sleep better if you could move on with your life.” He looks at me encouragingly.
    “I will never be over what that bastard did to me. I might be able to shove it to the back of my head , but I will always have scars whether they are on the surface or on the inside.” I look down at my coffee. I don’t want to remember. I really wish he would stop talking about it.
    “I’m not asking you to get over it. You should be pissed about it. I’m just saying stop letting it rule your life, okay? Nothing like that will ever happen to you again.” I refuse to look at him and I hear him huff.
    “It may never happen to me again, but it will happen to other little boys, Jaden. I feel helpless because I can’t change that fact. It literally makes me sick.” I haven’t cried about what happened to me in years, but I feel tears start to fill up my eyes.
    Jaden clears his throat and I finally look up at him. “ There is nothing you can do about that. There are sick bastards in this world. You’re lucky yours got put behind bars. And will never coach football again.”
    “Yeah well , thank God for that.” I tell him before getting up off the chair and heading towards my bedroom.
    When I was twelve years old, I was much like Jaden. Football was my life. I was going to play on the Philadelphia Eagles when I grew up and be a millionaire. That was until one day I was slow getting ready after practice and I somehow ended up being the only boy left over. Coach Mansfield came into the locker room. He didn’t look surprised to see me still there. I was only in my boxer briefs and that was the first time I ever saw anyone with lust in their eyes. I didn’t know it at the time, but I do now.
    I can remember him holding me down and taking off my underpants. I remember the sound of his zipper going down. And I remember the pain. It hurt for days. Then I had to walk out to my mom’s car. To this day she says I haven’t been the same.
    I’m inclined to agree.
    It wasn’t the only time that it happened. I tried to get out of football but my parents wouldn’t let me. I refused to tell them why and I refused to tell anyone what was happening to me. And to this day only Jaden and Mom know. Mom figured it out when the coach was arrested for molesting another kid, for which he got caught in the act. I told Jaden one night after a bad dream about it.
    This is the reason I won’t let anyone touch me while I’m having sex. It brings back memories of him touching me. Holding me down. It’s also why I’m weird around gay guys. I don’t really think they are doing anything wrong, but it makes me think about what happened to me regardless.
    I’m a messed up person.

 

     

     
    I won ’t ever understand the male brain. I really want to, but I’m not even going to try. I want Caden and I mean I WANT Caden. My mind was made up but now I don’t know what I want. Ever since the night he came up to my brother and me, he has ignored me. I’m not vain at all, but I am a woman. And I’m not naïve. I know he wants me. I see it in his eyes and the way he always looks at me. It makes me hot and bothered. But I’m not going to approach him.
    Why you ask? Because Jaden has become something I want. He’s freaking normal for crying out loud. He calls when he says he will, and he is the proper gentleman. He opens my doors and pulls out my