Free Life Is Not a Fairy Tale by Fantasia

liked that girl better because she didn’t look like me.
    If God was punishing me for something, it was for hating myself. As children of God, how dare any of us hate ourselves.
    Choosing the people that we put our love into is really important. All of the men I grew up around loved music, loved to perform, and loved to look good. They treated their women badly and they didn’t respect them. And they were always looking for the next woman that they could conquer—including my daddy. Not knowin’ what a good man really looks like made me choose the wrong man to love. I was wrong to think that just because B.’s father was a preacher, he would have a good heart and have respect for me. I blame myself for making a poor choice of a man and that one poor choice resulted in a lot of heartache. All I can tell you is you better find out what makes a good man. Once you know about it, you can start looking for it. The ones that look good or are “cool” may not be the ones you want. Take it from me.
    As far as the sex thing goes, it was a big mistake to not listen to Mama. It is simple: we shouldn’t be havin’ sex without bein’ married. The reason God and our mamas say that is not to deny us somethin’, but to make sure that we have sex only after we have all the other things that we need after the sex—like havin’ a man who is committed to taking care of a baby with you. Like havin’ the proper education so you can make sure that the child is healthy and growin’. Like havin’ a proper home that you can raise your child in. Like bein’ able to show your child what a real relationship looks like between a man and a woman. These are the things that God wants for us and for our kids. Even God must be sick of seeing single mothers raise their kids without fathers, without resources, without money.
    Don’t get me wrong—all of my closest friends are baby mamas, so this is comin’ from my heart and with no judgment. I don’t want the baby mamas to continue the generational curse that my family is finally coming out of. Don’t forget that my brother Rico has six children and never had a wife and he is only twenty-five. He has two baby mamas. My other brother, Tiny, is twenty-four and has two children and has never even considered marryin’ his baby mama.
    I understand baby mamas because I am one myself. I know you love your kids but that you usually don’t love the situation you find yourself in. Havin’ a baby too young without real financial, emotional, or psychological support is hard—it is the hardest thing that a young woman can do. My daughter, Zion, was not a mistake; she is a blessing. But I still should have waited to have sex, because when she was born, I would have been a bigger blessing to her. I didn’t have anything to give her and because I didn’t have anything to give her, my guilt makes me give her everything she wants now and that will probably make her spoiled. It is now my guilt that is feeding her along with my love. That’s the truth.
    My second mistake was not listening to my mama. It’s a little strange to say, but in a way, I feel I was lucky to have a mother who made her own mistakes. But I still didn’t listen to her. Most girls hear what they “should do” from their mothers, although their mothers sometimes have never gone through the things that they are telling them to avoid. For a young girl who thinks she’s grown, it’s a little hard to accept that, I know, because that’s what I thought. Truth is, my mama was speakin’ from her own experience with three kids and no education and a man who wasn’t actin’ right, and I still ignored her.
    That’s a mistake that I regret to this day. Think of the hardship I could have saved both my mother and me. My mother has always been open and honest with me. She told me all about sex and protection and what happens if you are raising your kids on your own. She told it all and I still wouldn’t hear her. If I could tell the