Free Sheikhs, Lies and Real Estate: The Untold Story of Dubai by JR Roth Page B

through the lobby and past a
giant arrangement of cheeses from France, Belgium, America, Argentina and
Australia. They were meticulously arranged and each block was individually
labelled with a little flag notifying its country of origin. In the centre of
the grand display was a swan with open wings carved from a single block of
cheese. It was impressive, except that the horrendous odour was now spreading
relentlessly throughout the lobby. As we approached Jerome’s table, he let rip
a piercing wolf-whistle, which startled everybody within a hundred metres.
    ‘Everybody, your attention please! This is
Adam, a friend from the UK. He is new to Dubai, so I want everyone to make him
feel at home.’
    His introduction was met with a reassuring roar
of approval from the table, which I noticed was littered with empty wine
glasses, bottles and plates still piled with cheese. I went around introducing
myself to everybody one by one. They were an interesting mix of young and
middle-aged Brits, all with beaming wide smiles and glowing red like overcooked
lobsters. Most of them were clearly rather tipsy, as they slurred their names
and ‘nice to meet you’s.
    ‘Okay, buddy, I’m going to leave you in the
hands of Jamie here, ’cos I’m sitting at the other end. Don’t worry, he doesn’t
bite. Just keep an eye on your private parts. He’s a bit unpredictable.’
    ‘You rascal!’ screamed the blond-haired,
freckled man opposite me, who I gathered was Jamie. ‘You didn’t complain too
much in the toilets this afternoon, Jerome.’
    ‘No, Jamie, I think you’re mistaking me for
your mum.’
    ‘Bastard!’ replied Jamie in defeat. Jerome
scuttled off to his seat, leaving me in the hands of his potential rapist
friend. ‘Your mate Jerome can be a right fucker sometimes. But he’s still a
legend,’ said Jamie incoherently. ‘So you recently moved here?’
    ‘Yes, just this week,’ I replied.
    ‘You’re gonna freaking love this city, mate!
Coming here was the best decision I ever made. It’s quality!’ He guzzled down
another glass of wine.
    ‘Thanks, that’s very reassuring. So what
brought you to Dubai, Jamie?’
    ‘Sun, booze and cash! Back home my career
wasn’t really going anywhere. The money was rubbish, I had no prospects and the
weather was shit. Life was a bit grim, to say the least. But out here I’m
making more money in a month than I would probably have made in a year in
England, and it’s all tax free! I play golf every weekend and I’m out drinking
almost every night. What more could I possibly want?’
    ‘Well, then it sounds to me you’re not working
hard enough!’ interrupted an older, overweight ginger-haired man sitting to my
left in a strong Yorkshire accent. ‘I’m Colin, by the way.’
    ‘Colin’s my boss, so I should probably watch
what I say,’ whispered Jamie.
    ‘Damn right, Jamie. We wouldn’t want you losing
your job, now. How would you pay for that Jeep Cherokee you just bought?’ Colin
laughed heartily.
    ‘Okay boss, understood,’ replied Jamie and
saluted his superior.
    ‘I gather from your accent that you’re from the
north of England, Colin,’ I said.
    ‘Yep, I’m from Leeds, mate. It’s a fucking
world away from this place!’
    ‘Colin just got divorced,’ interrupted Jamie in
an attempt to get his own back.
    ‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that Colin,’ I said,
genuinely.
    ‘Don’t be! It was the best thing that ever
happened to me. I sent the old bag packing and now I can take my pick of a new
girlfriend every night. God bless this city!’
    ‘Oh, so it didn’t work out?’
    ‘Mate, I was an idiot! When you come to work in
a place like Dubai you don’t come with baggage. I got married when I was a
hopeless nobody in a dead-end job in Leeds. Life wasn’t going too far, so I
thought, why not try Dubai? Since giving her the shove, I’m driving a brand new
BMW and shagging every night. Life couldn’t be better.’ He exploded in a fit of
laughter.
    ‘Oh,