Free Secrets of My Hollywood Life by Jen Calonita Page A

an ugly disguise day," Paul utters slowly. I hope that's a compliment.
    I look at Mom and Liz.
    "You look ...," Mom starts.
    "... like a nerd," Liz finishes flatly.
    I grab Shelly's mirror. With the short straight hair, brown eyes, and glasses, I do look geeky. Nothing like myself.
    "I like this look," I say defensively.
    "Yeah, but you do want people to like you, right?" Liz twirls a strand of her shiny curly hair. "I have to be your friend! What are people going to think of me?" Paul snorts.
    The front door slams shut. "I'm back," Nadine yells, striding into the kitchen with several thin Pepto Bismol pink plastic bags that have DISCOUNT WORLDstamped on them. She sets them down on the table. "I did amazing. I got, like, eight outfits for a hundred dollars."
    "Child, the shirt I'm wearing costs more than that," Paul cries, thumbing his button-down gray silk Dolce and Gab-bana shirt. "What did you buy her? Polyester?"
    "Yep." Nadine smiles and holds up a long-sleeved plain white V-neck top and a cheap-looking purple pleated miniskirt with a vinyl belt. Yikes.
    "Does Kaitlin have to look ... well... poor?" Mom demands, wrinkling her forehead with worry.
    I take the shiny black belt gingerly and try to buckle it around my waist. The plastic doesn't have a lot of give. I won't say it out loud, but I have to agree with Mom. Does anyone really dress like this? "Does this look okay?" I look down at my waist skeptically.
    Nadine's eyes narrow darkly. "You look fine." She walks over and adjusts the belt so that it sits higher on my waist. "Plenty of people shop at Discount World. You can get some pretty good things there if you look hard enough."
    "I guess you didn't look hard enough," Paul mumbles.
    Nadine ignores him. "Clark Hall is a melting pot for kids from all over L.A.," she explains firmly. "Some people are going to dress really well because they have money and others are going to be dressed in outfits ten times worse than this one. Right, Liz?"
    Liz frowns. "Yeah," she replies slowly, "but I don't hang out with anyone dressed like this. I have a reputation to keep up."
    "And what type of reputation is that?" Shelly asks.
    Liz takes the question seriously and considers for a minute. "My friends aren't as rich as Kaitlin and I, because even though I have dough, I hate when people think they're better than everyone else because of it. But my friends do have taste in clothing."
    "I think you should hang out with the rich kids, sweetie," Mom advises. "You wouldn't have to buy a thing --"
    "The Discount World clothes are perfect for Kaitlin," Na-dine interrupts. "We want her to fly below the radar. If she's too rich and wears her own high-end clothes, she stands out. Too trashy and she won't have any friends. The middle is the same clothes most of America wears. Like me." Nadine smiles pointedly at Mom.
    That sounds reasonable to me. "Can I wear some stuff from the Gap too?" I suggest. "Gap ads are in all the magazines. They're like a symbol of normalcy."
    "She could have a rich grandmother who sends her nice clothes," Mom offers.
    "Express, Limited, New York and Company," Shelly rattles off the clothing stores. "That's where the new you would shop."
    "Aren't those places in the mall?" Mom shrieks. If she ever shopped in malls, she's forgotten about it. She looks like she might faint.
    "Mom, think of it as costumes for my greatest role," I suggest gently.
    "Okay." Her face crumples.
    "There's one thing we won't be able to change." I point at my fuzzy green slippers. "My freakishly big feet."
    "That's for sure," Paul says with a smirk. "I hope Discount World carries size nine shoes." I punch him in the arm.
    "Well, I'll tell you one thing," Liz mutters. "No one will mistake you for vintage queen Kaitlin Burke with this wardrobe."
    I love that no one will care what designer I'm wearing. It takes a lot of pressure off.
    HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER EIGHT:No matter how many squillions you make on a movie, you can't afford to buy a new outfit