Free The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers

accusation. “No, I don’t want it!” Couldn’t he even try to understand what she was going through? He was in such a hurry to make the decision for her, to make sure nothing interfered with his precious plans. Well, their plans had already been disrupted. Her life had been disrupted, shattered, blown to smithereens. And abortion was going to be the quick fix? For whom? The rape had been bad enough. The physical in the hospital had almost been worse. And now, she was supposed to submit to an abortion? A suction curettage. The doctor had said it the same way he might have said she needed a vaccination against some dread disease.
    “I don’t want it.” None of it. Not the abortion. Not the child. Not the fear and heartache that were her constant companions since that cold January night.
    “Then get rid of it. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to make the decision. The sooner it’s done, the sooner it’ll be over, and we can try to get things sorted out between us.”
    What things? she wanted to ask, but she didn’t dare. She shook inside, wondering if he loved her anymore. “Joe said not to rush into anything.”
    “Joe?” His head came up. “He knows you’re pregnant?”
    She blushed. “I’d just come back from the hospital. I was sitting in my car and he—”
    “You told him?”
    “You weren’t due back until—”
    “You told him before you told me ?”
    “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, Ethan. I was just so upset.”
    “But I don’t have the right to be, is that it?”
    “I didn’t say that.”
    “Joe isn’t emotionally involved. He can play the cool head. He can have all the pat answers. He can tell you to wait and think about it.” His face darkened with anger. “What right has he got to say anything?”
    “He was trying to help.”
    “Yeah? Well, it’s none of his business. It doesn’t ruin his life.”
    She could feel the blood draining from her face.
    “Who does he think he is? He has no right to speak for me.”
    “He didn’t say it to interfere, Ethan. All he said was I should think things through before I make any kind of decision.”
    “Because he is against the whole idea of abortion, and you know it!”
    “So were you before all this happened.”
    “Maybe I have a little more compassion now,” he said, teeth gritted. “Look. You can’t go through with it. Do you want everyone knowing what happened to you?”
    He said it with such vehemence . . . and she heard a hint of what lay behind it. She saw it in his eyes as well. She lowered hers, not wanting to see more. “Joe won’t say anything.”
    “No, he won’t, but then he won’t have to if you don’t do something soon. Everybody’ll see for themselves and come to their own conclusions. And you know what those will be.”
    She froze inside, seeing where his true concern lay. Was he worrying about her reputation or his own? Beyond hurt, anger stirred. “Then maybe we should tell the truth. Isn’t that always the best policy?”
    He gave a bleak laugh, toying with his silverware. “People would still come up with their own conclusions. We’re engaged. With the world the way it is, you know what they’d think.”
    So there it was, in the open. “Maybe we could blow up pictures from the police files and post them around campus. Then everyone would know you didn’t do anything wrong.”
    His hand stopped shoving the fork around. “I don’t deserve that remark.”
    “And I deserve what you’re suggesting?” Her eyes filled with hot tears. She slid along the seat, meaning to leave the booth, but he caught hold of her wrist.
    “We have to settle this,” he said fiercely.
    “You mean you want me to do what you’re telling me to do. Well, I’m going to take Joe’s advice and not rush into anything.”
    “I know you’re scared, Dynah.”
    “I wonder if you know anything. I wonder if you can even guess at what I feel. Let go of me.”
    “No way. I’ve got to make you understand. It’ll get