Free The Inspector-General by Nikolái Gógol Page A

nobility in 1816 and I have served ever
since.
    KHLESTAKOV. Does it pay to be a judge?
    JUDGE. After serving three terms I was decorated with the Vladimir of
the third class with the approval of the government.
(Aside.)
I have the
money in my hand and my hand is on fire.
    KHLESTAKOV. I like the Vladimir. Anna of the third class is not so nice.
    JUDGE
(slightly extending his balled fist. Aside)
. Good God! I don't
know where I'm sitting. I feel as though I were on burning coals.
    KHLESTAKOV. What have you got in your hand there?
    AMMOS
(getting all mixed up and dropping the bills on the floor)
.
Nothing.
    KHLESTAKOV. How so, nothing? I see money has dropped out of it.
    AMMOS
(shaking all over)
. Oh no, oh no, not at all!
(Aside.)
Oh, Lord!
Now I'm under arrest and they've brought a wagon to take me.
    KHLESTAKOV. Yes, it IS money.
(Picking it up.)
    AMMOS
(aside)
. It's all over with me. I'm lost! I'm lost!
    KHLESTAKOV. I tell you what—lend it to me.
    AMMOS
(eagerly)
. Why, of course, of course—with the greatest pleasure.
(Aside.)
Bolder! Bolder! Holy Virgin, stand by me!
    KHLESTAKOV. I've run out of cash on the road, what with one thing and
another, you know. I'll let you have it back as soon as I get to the
village.
    AMMOS. Please don't mention it! It is a great honor to have you take it.
I'll try to deserve it—by putting forth the best of my feeble powers,
by my zeal and ardor for the government.
(Rises from the chair and draws
himself up straight with his hands hanging at his sides.)
I will not
venture to disturb you longer with my presence. You don't care to give
any orders?
    KHLESTAKOV. What orders?
    JUDGE. I mean, would you like to give orders for the district court
here?
    KHLESTAKOV. What for? I have nothing to do with the court now. No,
nothing. Thank you very much.
    AMMOS
(bowing and leaving. Aside.)
. Now the town is ours.
    KHLESTAKOV. The Judge is a fine fellow.
Scene IV
    Khlestakov and the Postmaster.
    POSTMASTER
(in uniform, sword in hand. Drawing himself up)
. I have the
honor to present myself—Postmaster, Court Councilor Shpekin.
    KHLESTAKOV. I'm glad to meet you. I like pleasant company very much.
Take a seat. Do you live here all the time?
    POSTMASTER. Yes, sir. Quite so.
    KHLESTAKOV. I like this little town. Of course, there aren't many
people. It's not very lively. But what of it? It isn't the capital.
Isn't that so—it isn't the capital?
    POSTMASTER. Quite so, quite so.
    KHLESTAKOV. It's only in the capital that you find bon-ton and not a lot
of provincial lubbers. What is your opinion? Isn't that so?
    POSTMASTER. Quite so.
(Aside.)
He isn't a bit proud. He inquires about
everything.
    KHLESTAKOV. And yet you'll admit that one can live happily in a little
town.
    POSTMASTER. Quite so.
    KHLESTAKOV. In my opinion what you want is this—you want people to
respect you and to love you sincerely. Isn't that so?
    POSTMASTER. Exactly.
    KHLESTAKOV. I'm glad you agree with me. Of course, they call me queer.
But that's the kind of character I am.
(Looking him in the face and
talking to himself.)
I think I'll ask this postmaster for a loan.
(Aloud.)
A strange accident happened to me and I ran out of cash on the
road. Can you lend me three hundred rubles?
    POSTMASTER. Of course. I shall esteem it a piece of great good fortune.
I am ready to serve you with all my heart.
    KHLESTAKOV. Thank you very much. I must say, I hate like the devil to
deny myself on the road. And why should I? Isn't that so?
    POSTMASTER. Quite so.
(Rises, draws himself up, with his sword in his
hand.)
I'll not venture to disturb you any more. Would you care to make
any remarks about the post office administration?
    KHLESTAKOV. No, nothing.
    The Postmaster bows and goes out.
    KHLESTAKOV
(lighting a cigar)
. It seems to me the Postmaster is a fine
fellow, too. He's certainly obliging. I like people like that.
Scene V
    Khlestakov and Luka Lukich, who is practically pushed in on the stage.
A voice behind him is heard saying nearly aloud, "Don't