Free The Inspector-General by Nikolái Gógol Page B

be
chickenhearted."
    LUKA
(drawing himself up, trembling, with his hand on his sword)
. I
have the honor to present myself—School Inspector, Titular Councilor
Khlopov.
    KHLESTAKOV. I'm glad to see you. Take a seat, take a seat. Will you have
a cigar?
(Offers him a cigar.)
    LUKA
(to himself, hesitating)
. There now! That's something I hadn't
anticipated. To take or not to take?
    KHLESTAKOV. Take it, take it. It's a pretty good cigar. Of course not
what you get in St. Petersburg. There I used to smoke twenty-five cent
cigars. You feel like kissing yourself after having smoked one of them.
Here, light it.
(Hands him a candle.)
    Luka Lukich tries to light the cigar shaking all over.
    KHLESTAKOV. Not that end, the other.
    LUKA
(drops the cigar from fright, spits and shakes his hands. Aside)
.
Confound it! My damned timidity has ruined me!
    KHLESTAKOV. I see you are not a lover of cigars. I confess smoking is my
weakness—smoking and the fair sex. Not for the life of me can I remain
indifferent to the fair sex. How about you? Which do you like more,
brunettes or blondes?
    Luka Lukich remains silent, at a complete loss what to say.
    KHLESTAKOV. Tell me frankly, brunettes or blondes?
    LUKA. I don't dare to know.
    KHLESTAKOV. No, no, don't evade. I'm bound to know your taste.
    LUKA. I venture to report to you—
(Aside.)
I don't know what I'm saying.
    KHLESTAKOV. Ah, you don't want to say. I suppose some little brunette or
other has cast a spell over you. Confess, she has, hasn't she?
    Luka Lukich remains silent.
    KHLESTAKOV. Ah, you're blushing. You see. Why don't you speak?
    LUKA. I'm scared, your Hon—High—Ex—
(Aside.)
Done for! My confounded
tongue has undone me!
    KHLESTAKOV. You're scared? There IS something awe-inspiring in my eyes,
isn't there? At least I know not a single woman can resist them. Isn't
that so?
    LUKA. Exactly.
    KHLESTAKOV. A strange thing happened to me on the road. I ran entirely
out of cash. Can you lend me three hundred rubles?
    LUKA
(clutching his pockets. Aside)
. A fine business if I haven't got
the money! I have! I have!
(Takes out the bills and gives them to him,
trembling.)
    KHLESTAKOV. Thank you very much.
    LUKA
(drawing himself up, with his hand on his sword)
. I will not
venture to disturb you with my presence any longer.
    KHLESTAKOV. Good-by.
    LUKA
(dashes out almost at a run, saying aside.)
Well, thank the Lord!
Maybe he won't inspect the schools.
Scene VI
    Khlestakov and Artemy Filippovich.
    ARTEMY
(enters and draws himself up, his hand on his sword)
. I have the
honor to present myself—Superintendent of Charities, Court Councilor
Zemlianika.
    KHLESTAKOV. Howdeedo? Please sit down.
    ARTEMY. I had the honor of receiving you and personally conducting you
through the philanthropic institutions committed to my care.
    KHLESTAKOV. Oh, yes, I remember. You treated me to a dandy lunch.
    ARTEMY. I am glad to do all I can in behalf of my country.
    KHLESTAKOV. I admit, my weakness is a good cuisine.—Tell me, please,
won't you—it seems to me you were a little shorter yesterday, weren't
you?
    ARTEMY. Quite possible.
(After a pause.)
I may say I spare myself no
pains and perform the duties of my office with the utmost zeal.
(Draws
his chair closer and speaks in a lowered tone.)
There's the postmaster,
for example, he does absolutely nothing. Everything is in a fearful
state of neglect. The mail is held up. Investigate for yourself, if you
please, and you will see. The Judge, too, the man who was here just now,
does nothing but hunt hares, and he keeps his dogs in the court
rooms, and his conduct, if I must confess—and for the benefit of the
fatherland, I must confess, though he is my relative and friend—his
conduct is in the highest degree reprehensible. There is a squire here
by the name of Dobchinsky, whom you were pleased to see. Well, the
moment Dobchinsky leaves the house, the Judge is there with Dobchinsky's
wife. I can swear to it. You just take a look at the children. Not one
of them