Free I Love You, Always by Natalie Ward

coffee. “Thank you.”
    When I say these last two words, Ash lifts her eyes to mine and for just a second, she doesn’t say anything. Then she adds on, “Luke, I’m serious. These cupcakes are so good and really, you’re wasted in that place.” She sits up now and stares directly at me. “And you didn’t answer my question.”
    “Yeah,” I say, strangely nervous all of a sudden. I put my mug on the table, before I sit back on the couch. “I’ve tried those other places, restaurants and stuff, but the hours are shit and I had no life,” I say, knowing how true that once was. “I worked when everyone else was having fun and spent it getting yelled at by some pissed off asshole. Here I work regular days,” I tell her, knowing that seeing her every day is by far the best part of my day. “I’m my own boss, can play in the band at night, and I work with great people. All of this makes me happy, so why change?” And really, it’s the simplest explanation I can give without telling her the real story.
    Because the real story is that I have spent my entire life doing what other people, my father especially, wanted me to do. When I came here, to Boston, I came to find myself, find out what I really wanted to do and who I really wanted to be. None of that has changed and if it means working a job that I’m supposedly too good for or doesn’t pay much money, then I don’t care. Because for the first time, I’m actually happy. Happy doing a job I enjoy and working with people I like.
    But as Ash looks at me, I get the feeling she’s seeing right through me. That she’s seeing everything I’m thinking about and not just how I feel about her, or why I came over here today, but everything else too. All of my secrets, my past, everything I escaped from. It feels like Ash is seeing all of it. No one else has ever looked at me like this and if I had any doubts about how I feel about this girl or how much I want to help her, make her happy again, then they have all just disappeared. Because in this moment, Ash is the first person to look at me like she truly knows me.
    Eventually she smiles, as though something has clicked in her brain too and I don’t know what it is, but I get the feeling it’s a good thing. She no longer looks scared or pissed off or tired or angry. “Yeah, I guess that does make sense,” she says, reaching over to pick up another cupcake.
    “It does to me,” I say, taking a deep breath as I try to figure out how someone I barely know can be so fucking perfect for me. And then, not wanting to lose my chance at trying to find the answer to that, I throw myself off the deep end and say, “So, what are we doing for the rest of the day?”
    We spend the rest of the afternoon just hanging out. It’s fun and relaxing and I feel like she gets used to having me in her home with every hour that passes. I try not to ask too many questions, but there are some things, like all the photos she has stuck up on the walls, which are unavoidable. She tells me she took them all and I can’t help but admire how good they are.
    By the time darkness falls, I can tell she’s starting to get tense again. When I ask if she wants to talk about it, hopeful that somehow all of these hours we’ve spent together today will have made it easier, she shakes her head and says, “Want to watch a movie, or I guess you have somewhere else to be…”
    Her voice trails off and in a way she’s right. There’s a big party at the club Damien runs tonight. All the guys will be there and I know they’re expecting me too, but right now, I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. And besides, I feel like me leaving now would be just about the worst thing I could do to her today.
    So I shake my head and say, “No, nowhere else. You have any beer though?” I know she does, but when she gets up to grab us some, telling me to pick a movie, I take the opportunity to turn my phone off. The last thing I need is one of the guys